Home of the Autographed Cat

Gwnewch y pethau bychain

Feh.

Though this may come as a surprise to those of you who have never lived with me or spent copious amounts of time around me, I’m a moody person. Quite often, I have extended bouts of melancholy which have no discernible cause, marked by low energy, mopiness, and being unfit company.

Today seems to be one of those days. Well, it really started last night, but I chalked it up to being tired from my recent day of not enough sleep. The total amount of sleep I got yesterday was alright, but it was broken up into 2 and 3 hour segments, so it never really felt like rest.

Today is more of the same. The real problem with these fits of depression is that they don’t seem to have any real cause. If I could come up with a reason for them, perhaps I could shake myself out of it. Instead, I berate myself for being down for no good reason, which only reinforces my mood.

And, in truth, I have no good reason to feel this way. My life is filled with love, I am surrounded by good friends, I’ve been in the most creative mood the last 3 months that I’ve been in for 2 years. So why are whispering voices scurrying around in my backbrain, insisting quietly that I’m a failure, and imposter, and that I don’t deserve all the happiness?

Sometimes, I wonder what the human brain is up to.

I know this will pass. It’s the same mood that has come and gone a thousand times, and it rarely lasts long, and it never really incapacitates me from doing important things, but…it doesn’t make today any easier.

LJ History meme…

Live Journal Ancestry: Who made you get a LiveJournal? Post that person’s LJ, and if this meme spreads, see, you’ll eventually be able to click click click and see who your LJ grandfather, great grandmother, great great grandthing, etc, etc, is all the way back to the pioneer days.

The first person I saw with an LJ was telynor, and at the time I was looking for a place that I might use as a general soapbox/sounding board. My first few entries were as often bloggish as they were personal, and I’ve neglected it as often as not over the years, but it’s a daily part of my life now and I would hate to lose it.

My very first post (after the “well, I started a livejournal, dunno what I’ll do with it” post, which doesn’t really count, read:

I hate talking about myself.

I have very little trouble talking about just about anything under the sun that I’m interested in, at length. I can spend hours talking about music, or politics, or baseball, or comic books, or literature, or any one of a myriad of topics with passion and fervor. But when someone says “Tell me about yourself” I instantly lapse into deer-in-headlights mode. Perhaps, on reflection, I’m not very interested in myself.

So, who am i?

I am a 31 year old UNIX Systems Administrator who works for a communications company in Atlanta. I am single, with a long-term live-in girlfriend, four cats, and more books than shelf space. I am a musician and songwriter. I am a writer of fiction and non-fiction, with one collaborative novel (written with my best friend since jr. high and hopefully to be sold to someone). I am a liberal who voted for Dukakis, Clinton (twice) and Al Gore for president. I am a baseball fan who loves the Red Sox and the Braves. I am a voracious reader, who prefers SF and Fantasy, history, and literature.

I read the paragraph above, and I somehow feel like I haven’t really told you anything. I find it interesting that I, a person who has been expressing himself with the written word since the time I could hold a pencil, can’t come up with more than a disjointed list to answer the simple question “Who am I?”

We interact every day with other people, yet we only every touch the surface. The essence of a person can be found deep inside, and is only hinted at by the facets that flash in the light. “Who am I?” is more than a question of hobbies and jobs, it is the center of every person’s personal quest for identity and belonging.

It isn’t that I am not interested in myself — it’s that I simply don’t have an answer for you that seems both true and complete for me. And until I can find a satisfactory way to answer that question for myself, all I can offer you is a glimpse at the surface.

It’s really astounding to look at that and realize how much the person who wrote that is not the person who is writing here today — even though most of what I said about myself in that entry is still true today. This journal has been a part of my transformation, a constant companion on my spiritual journey. Even though there are holes where there should be posts, it was always here, waiting for me to break through the chrysalis and emerge into the light. I’m glad it’s here, and I’m glad for each of you that I met along the way.

Don’t know where the next three years will take me, but I’m sure I’ll write about it here as I go. Thanks for coming along with me.

Friday memage

I normally don’t bother to post quizzes and stuff at all, but recently I’ve started doing what I’ve seen a few other people do, and collecting them together for one post, so as not to completely clutter the place up.

Update

I seem to have gotten into a nice roll of journaling lately. Some fluff, some content. I’ll try and keep it up.

Jenna continues to adjust to living here. She spends a lot of time under the daybed in the living room, or under our bed in the bedroom, but she’s started coming out and trying to be social when the mood strikes her. Dayna still thinks she’s an intruder, but since the two cats both have the same reaction to confronting each other (that is, to run away), we’re letting them sort each other out on their own terms.

Been fairly draggy all day, due to overnight shift last night. We had to put a new Ethernet card into one of our servers so it could be hooked into the private backdoor network. As this would bring down several of our affiliates webpages who rely on the content of this server, it needed to be done at off hours. So I came home early yesterday, took a nap, and then went over to the data centre around 1am to do the work.

It went very smoothly, and maedbh7 kept me company on the phone for the trip there and back. I slept until noon this morning, then went into work for a half day. Came home and crashed out again.

See, that’s the problem with trying to journal my daily life — it’s lots of boring days like that. Heck, most of them don’t even have the “excitement” of a late night shift or anything useful like that. 🙂

Not much on tap this weekend. We’re a bit cash tight until payday next Friday, so it’ll probably be a low-key hang around the house day.

Improbable Gift Catalog

Yet another gift for the person who has everything:

The Devil Duck External Hard Drive

Note especially the location of the data port.

EDIT 10/05/2005: The link above is no more, but The Wayback Machine comes to the rescue.

I wonder if he’ll run for president next…

Kinky Friedman to run for Governor of Texas

“There are no skeletons in my closet. They are all bleaching on a beach somewhere,” he said.

You want to know Kinky’s stand on gun control?

“I do not carry a gun myself, so if someone is going to shoot me, they better remember to bring their own weapon.”

On abortion?

“I am not pro-life, I am not pro-choice, I am pro football.”

A Rather Pleasant Evening

Aside from the panic of not being able to find the cat, the rest of the evening was very pleasant.

mrpsyklops is in town for a conference, and we had made plans to get together for an evening of dinner and hanging out. He showed up at 6:30 or so, just after I had managed to finally locate Jenna and then put the house back into a semblance of order.

We sat around and chatted about his conference, and current politics. I showed him some clips from The Daily Show, which he had never seen, and then pulled the most recent episode of that programme up on the TiVo. We had a good time with that, and were just finishing it up when kitanzi got home. While she made the wonderful steaks that Robert had brought, we watched most of an episode of Mythbusters, which he also had not seen.

Finally, we indulged ourselves in one of our favourite pastimes — introducing someone who has never seen it before to the BBC comedy Coupling. I thought a few times he was going to hurt himself laughing. One thing I have to say for Coupling….it has enduring humour. Even though kitanzi and I have seen the episodes enough times now that we can practically recite them, they’re still funny. 🙂

Oh, I also earlier in the evening got Robert to read a bit of Warren Ellis’s Transmetropolitan. So it was a fun evening of exposing Robert to new things. He seemed to have a good time, and I certainly enjoyed his company and conversation.

We really should make an effort to be sociable more often. We talked at one point about having a Firefly party, and now that we have the DVDs it’s a good time. Hrm, plans to make…

Brief Panic Attack

I got home from work today and promptly checked the answering machine. There was a message from the Cat Clinic asking how the new kitty was doing, and inviting me to call back. I made a note to myself to call back tomorrow, since it was after hours by that point, and went to actually see how Jenna was.

And I couldn’t find her. Anywhere.

Now, Jenna’s currently spending most of her time confined to the front part of the house, to allow her and Dayna to settle into each other’s company gradually. So it’s not as if there were copious places for her to hide, and I already knew where most of her favourite places were. And she wasn’t in any of them.

So I went and looked in the bedroom area. Again, no Jenna.

At this point, I freaked out slightly, tearing through the house looking in the most implausible places. I mean, opening cabinets. Checking in the furnace closet (a door which is almost never opened). I even went outside and glanced around… having her get out would have been my greatest fear.

So, just about the time I’m about to become completely hysterical, I check under the bed in the bedroom for the fifth time. And for the first time, notice her, all the way back against the wall, her white fur blending perfectly with the wall. I pulled her out and hugged her tightly, a transgression for which I’m still not sure she’s forgiven me for. 🙂 But all is well, and she’s just fine.

Recommend something to meme!

Vectored from alymid, among others:

Recommend to me…
1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album
4. a LiveJournal user not on my friends list
5. what I should have for dinner
6. a website
…and put it in a comment and then put this in your journal.

Your daily kitty cuteness…

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