Three lesbians on a cross-country road trip were disappointed to find that the state of Iowa bore little resemblance to the Dar Williams song that they had belted as they crossed the border from Illinois.
“Where are the hills of Iowa that are supposed to make me wish I had a way with women?” demanded driver Rebecca Lally. “This place is total flatlands.”
Her passengers were also underwhelmed by the Hawkeye state. “I thought maybe once we got to Des Moines, we would start to see some sort of feminist folk song magic,” said Latonya Brewer. “Sadly, I was wrong. The indoor walkways were kind of cool, though.”
“Maybe we built it up too much in our heads,” said Lally, who reported that the friends had first begun fantasizing about Iowa after attending a Dar Williams concert at Wellesley College in the fall of 2001. “I mean, it was okay and everything, but I wouldn’t write a song about it.”
“I thought Iowa would help me find a way to say ‘I love you’ to Latonya,” confessed passenger Hillary Uxbridge. “I had it all planned out in my head. I would tell her, and then she’d say that she feared that to fall in love with me would be to fall from a great and gruesome height. And then we would make out.”
“But when we were in Cedar Rapids, Latonya went off with some chick she met at the motorcycle museum,” lamented Uxbridge. “I’d say that she was wandering out on the hills of Iowa and not thinking of me, except I still haven’t seen any hills. Things with me and Latonya are just the same as they were in Ohio. Screw it. I’m listening to Metallica for the rest of the trip.”
Concluded Lally, “Overall, Iowa’s been kind of a letdown. All I can say is, Nebraska better live up to the Springsteen song.”