Every morning, I receive, via e-mail, a digest of headlines from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, detailing for me the top stories of the morning with links to the stories should I care to pursue them. This morning, one of those headlines stood out, not least because it was singled out in the subject line of the e-mail:
Book says bin Laden had crush on Whitney Houston
In a juicy excerpt by former bin Laden concubine-turned-“Days of Our Lives” soap opera scribe Kola Boof, 37, she writes that the terrorist mastermind was obsessed with the Alpharetta pop star during her tenure with him.
In her memoir, “Diary of a Lost Girl,” Boof dishes that “He [bin Laden] told me Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. He had a paramount desire for [Houston] and although he claimed music was evil, he spoke someday of spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try and arrange a meeting. In his briefcase, I would come across the Star [magazine] as well as copies of Playboy. It would soon come to the point where I was sick of hearing Whitney Houston’s name.”
If you’re anything like me, the following thoughts probably occur to you at this point, more or less in this order:
1) This is news we need to know?
2) Osama bin Laden has become part of the celebrity culture.
3) Poor bastard.
And then….like a beacon of light, it occurred to me. I know how we can find this guy, at long last. And because I am a patriotic American who loves his country, I offer this to the leaders of our military at no cost, without expectation of recognition or recompense.
The Army simply needs to form the 1st Armoured Paparazzi Division. We assemble a unit of the world’s top celebrity photographers, air drop them onto the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, and within two weeks, we’ll be getting shots of Osama going into his cave with a newspaper held up to block his face.
Go ahead. Say it’s crazy, but it just might work!
Hunh. I don’t see a downside, frankly.
You got my vote.
While they are at it, can they drop Whitney Houston over there also? Maybe that would help to pull him out of hideing?
What, that story wasn’t a joke? The part about Bin Laden’s crush, I mean? The first time I saw a link to the story, I figured it was Weekly World News, The Onion, or some equivalent.
I have no idea as to the veracity of the story, but I got it from the Atlanta newspaper. It wouldn’t be the first time a real news source got fooled by a spoof, but I have no way to check that.
I love it!
It does generate some disturbing images of Dan Rather clones carrying digital cameras with hypertelephoto lenses eating dust in Afghanistan. But anything for the cause!
Sure. I never mind being metaquoted.
You make a suggestion like that, and your mood is “calm”? :snort:
Actually, what bugs me about this is the unanchored pronoun:
In a juicy excerpt by … Kola Boof, 37, she writes that the terrorist mastermind was obsessed with the Alpharetta pop star during her tenure with him.
Which “her” is that, now? Whitney Houston had a “tenure” with bin Laden?
The Army simply needs to form the 1st Armoured Paparazzi Division.
(here via metaquotes)
1.) Obviously we all feel very interested… :o)
2.) famous apparently has no dark side, only pink
3.) I wouldn’t go so far -- well, and it nicely shows that he’s a human. Humans are monsters and humans have flings.
Damn you, now I can’t get rid of the image of OBL (yes, a celebrity needs their monograph) wearing a “Pink is the new Blog” t-shirt, grinning into a camera…
Make that a ship, would that be called Whitnama?
I’d rather say “poor Whitney” -- she’s ended as a mentally disturbed drug wreck and now even that…
I assume Kola Boof is a female, so she’s probably the “she” who had “tenure” with bin Laden.
P.S. This was grand, I laughed! 🙂
Re the 1st Armoured Paparazzi Divions — brilliant. Crazy or not, nothing else has worked, so why not give it a try? If Whitney won’t go with them to draw him out, they could take nice glossy 8X10s and scatter them about the countryside, follow those that pick them up….
It’d work. The man’s a publicity hound as it is. He won’t be able to resist.