Though this may come as a surprise to those of you who have never lived with me or spent copious amounts of time around me, I’m a moody person. Quite often, I have extended bouts of melancholy which have no discernible cause, marked by low energy, mopiness, and being unfit company.
Today seems to be one of those days. Well, it really started last night, but I chalked it up to being tired from my recent day of not enough sleep. The total amount of sleep I got yesterday was alright, but it was broken up into 2 and 3 hour segments, so it never really felt like rest.
Today is more of the same. The real problem with these fits of depression is that they don’t seem to have any real cause. If I could come up with a reason for them, perhaps I could shake myself out of it. Instead, I berate myself for being down for no good reason, which only reinforces my mood.
And, in truth, I have no good reason to feel this way. My life is filled with love, I am surrounded by good friends, I’ve been in the most creative mood the last 3 months that I’ve been in for 2 years. So why are whispering voices scurrying around in my backbrain, insisting quietly that I’m a failure, and imposter, and that I don’t deserve all the happiness?
Sometimes, I wonder what the human brain is up to.
I know this will pass. It’s the same mood that has come and gone a thousand times, and it rarely lasts long, and it never really incapacitates me from doing important things, but…it doesn’t make today any easier.