Novel Man
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Nowhere Man” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
© 2001

He’s a real novel man
living off his long-time fans
writing long complex stories
that don’t end

Plots that are long and absurd
Two hundred ninety thousand words
Can it be he’s never heard of

Novel man, please hasten
Up that scene, time’s wastin’
Novel man
The advance has long since been spent

Got multiple points of view
Subplots and pointless verse too
Does he think we’ve nothing else
to read

Long winded as he can be
Series come in groups of three
I wonder if we’ll ever see
the end of it

Novel man, please end it
It’s much harder to defend it
Novel man, It once was so promising
Now it’s a joke

He’s a real novel man
Doesn’t have a master plan
And his series rolls on to

He may write this series for infinity!
This song isn’t about one particular writer, but could easily be applied to any number of authors currently mining the low grade ore out of the science fiction and fantasy mine. There’s some really good deposits down deep and off the main shaft, but some folks manage to get rich selling the same stuff off the top over and over again.

Oh well, they keep printing them. I guess SOMEBODY’S gotta read them.

This song was published in the Gafilk 2006 songbook.