Gwnewch y pethau bychain

Tag: songs: world of warcraft

Threat Report

TTTO: “Dust In The Wind” by Kansas

I hold my fire
Only for a moment, then the moment’s gone
Tank builds threat
Misdirect three shots, turn growl off on my pet
Manage your threat
DPS must manage its threat

Healers scream
Suddenly the boss is running after me
Quick, feign death!
Tanks desperately taunt while it is running free
Manage your threat
DPS must manage its threat

Don’t pull aggro
One eye on the meter — not the damage one
When you’re high
Find a way to dump threat or you’re going to die
Manage your threat
DPS must manage its threat

This is a bit of fluff I wrote in 2009, after a night of raiding in World of Warcraft.  I only ever shared it with Steve Shortino and Erica Neely, who were on my team at the time, and then forgot about it.  I’ve written another filk about WoW to this same tune that I think is better, but I’ll include this one for the sake of completion.

Look Upon My Gear, Ye Mighty, And Repair

Look Upon My Gear, Ye Mighty, And Repair
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Dust In The Wind” by Kansas

My warlock casts
Conjure up a demon from the fiery depths
The spell falls flat
My spec is gone, and everything I learned is wrong
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

Once we strode
Like giants through the endgame, doing mighty deeds
But glory fades
Your grand achievements now just curiosities
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

Game moves on
Level cap increases, once again we grind
New quests call
And all your epics won’t another level buy
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

This morning (28 December 2012) in the Tadpool, discussing the current WoW expansion and whether it was worth coming back to, Cory Latham made a comment about having too much time invested in his characters to roll new ones, and Christopher Dunn quipped that all that was meaningless, only the current expansion matters. And that got my filker brain working and this came out.

There have been two more World of Warcraft expansions that have come out since I wrote this, and it’s still true, which hasn’t always been true of my WoW filks 🙂

Karazhan Tonight

Karazhan Tonight
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Comedy Tonight” by Stephen Sondheim

Epics drop for us
Badges of Justice
Something for everyone
in Karazhan tonight!

Attuman’s crossbow
Malchezaar’s longbow
Something for everyone
in Karazhan tonight!

Nothing but ghosts, nothing that’s real
Clear out Morose then sit for a meal

Dance with the undead
Tier 4 for your head
Ten bosses for the raid to fight!
Serpentshrine tomorrow
Karazhan tonight!

Two tanks, three healers
Five damage dealers
Something for everyone
in Karazhan tonight

Uni-mind Headdress
Quick break to play chess
Something for everyone
in Karazhan tonight

Shade of Aran’s the Master’s sire
Only this one time: stand in the fire

Maiden’s been cleaned up
Opera is next up
Hope it isn’t Romulo tonight!
Bring up the curtain
Karazhan tonight!

Boots of Fortelling
Bands of Indwelling
Something for everyone
in Karazhan tonignt!

Illhoof has gold chains
Charred earth from Nightbane
Something for everyone
in Karazhan tonight!

[Entire raid]
Epics drop for us
Badges of Justice
Something for everyone
in Karazhan tonight!

Each drops an upgrade
Repair bill prepaid

[Raid leader]
Something for everyone!

[Entire raid]
Karazhan tonight!

Nothing too hard

Grinding reprieve

[Raid leader]
Go get your key from Master Medivh

Four hours clears it

And it appears it’s

Full of purple loot that’s out of sight!

Pantaloons and Pendants!

Drape of the Mysticant!

The King’s Defender!

Mitts of Treemender!


Garona’s Ring!



Forest Lord!

Waist cord!



[Raid leader]

[Entire Raid]
All of this gear is somewhat antique
And we’ll be back Tuesday next week!

It’s old and dusty
Some of it’s rusty
But the treasure’s certain to delight!
Tempest Keep tomorrow
Karazhan tonight!

When writing about topical things, there is always a danger of your work being “overtaken by events”, which is to say made obsolete by the world changing over the course of time. I wrote this months and months ago, when it was more topical than nostalgic.

But, as we take our first exploratory steps into Naxxramas, high above the snowy valleys of Northrend, let’s remember those heady days when the place to be was Deadwind Pass.

The Ironforge Song

The Ironforge Song
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “The Toronto Song” by Three Dead Trolls In A Baggie

I hate the Great Forge and the Mystic Ward too
The Hall of Explorers and the Tinker Town crew
The roof is too high, the air is too dark
Its covered with lava and there isn’t a park
The men are all drunk and the women won’t wench
and the children are loopy cause they fell in a trench
The water is frozen and the king has no friends
And they wear lift boots and they think they’re Stormwind
In Ironforge, Dun Morogh

“You know, actually I pretty much hate all of Dun Morogh!”
“Oh ya, me too!”

I hate Brewnall Village and Anvilmar
Amberstill, Coldridge, and Gol’Bolar
Frostmane sucks and the North Gate sucks
and Kharanos sucks and Gnomeregan sucks

I took a trip to Ironforge to visit Mistina Steelshield
She beat me up and she stole my cloth and she left me in a field
I went to Alterac Valley and was hit in the head by an Orc
I don’t even know how they did it. I mean, I was playing Guitar Hero at the time….

Dun Morogh sucks!

“Yup. Yknow, actually you know now I really think about it, I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in the Alliance!”
“Well, except for Westfall
“Ya, ya I love Westfall”
“It’s very nice, lots of cows and trees and rocks and dirt”


I hate Darnassus cause they look so weird
And Azuremyst Island is too small
Dustwallow Marsh is dumb ’cause its the name of a swamp
Gadgetzan doesn’t have a good mall
Hillsbrad is a warzone and it makes me mad
Dun Morogh sucks! Dun Morogh Sucks!

Stranglethorn Vale has a population density of 4.9 people per quest objective — isn’t that stupid??”

The Plaguelands are boring and the people are dead
And as for the Redridge Mountains — they’re too red!

“And the only good thing about the area of Elwynn Forest is that it’s right next to us”

‘Cause Westfall…..doesn’t suck
But Moonbrook does.

Here’s another song that’s likely to make sense only to my friends who play World of Warcraft. It’s also useful to know the song “The Toronto Song” by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. To ease confusion on either of these points, I’ve provided a link to the source tune (thanks, YouTube!) and links to all the things referenced from WoW, courtesy of WoWWiki.

Max Level Newbie

Max Level Newbie
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “I Am The Very Model of A Modern Major General” by Gilbert and Sullivan

I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70
I’ve never been on raids, but I insist that I would like to be
I know the kings of Azeroth, but what they drop’s a mystery
From Netherstorm to Shadowmoon, no one has ever heard of me
I’m very uninformed about the way to play my character
And if your toon is female, I will prob’ly grin and hit on her
On every pull at the worst time, I will hit tab and free the sheep
And halfway through the boss fight, i’ll be in a corner fast asleep

I AFK in battlegrounds, thats how I got my purple gear
The stats don’t match my build, but I still like the way that I appear
In short, you see I have no clue and everyone I know agrees
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

I’ve been to Ironforge, and yet I do not know the tram exists
I pester folks on general to take me out to Tanaris
Although I’ve never played your class, if we team up it won’t be long
Before I tell you all the things I think that you are doing wrong
Invite me to your group and i’ll insist that you should summon me
Then when you do I’ll ask for food and other things that I might need
Before the pull has been discussed I rush right in to start the fray
But when the fight gets out of hand I am the first to run away

I ninja loot by rolling need on every drop that’s green or blue
And if you haven’t kicked me yet, I’ll do it on the epics too
And so, you see why everyone in Shattrath City laughs at me
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

My warriors try tanking with no shield and a two handed sword
My priests will heal you only right up to the point that they get bored
My rouges pickpocket every mob and cause the pull to go awry
My shamans never use their totems even when you ask them why
My warlocks never look to see what’s nearby when they cast a fear
My druids always go to dungeons wearing the same set of gear
My paladins cast random seals and never bring a judgment down
My hunters pets chase random mobs and during fights just run around

I run from PVP but I will gank you when your back is turned
Although I post in forums, I don’t read them so Ive never learned
That while I claim that I’m the greatest player you will ever see
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

Several months ago, I finally gave in to the lure of the worlds most popular online RPG and started playing World of Warcraft. (You can find me on The Venture Co server as Pryderi.) For months, I worked my way up to level 70, meeting lots of cool people along the way, and finally, about three weeks ago, I finally reached that exalted summit. One of the interesting things about WoW is that, unlike a lot of games where you hit the level cap and wonder “OK, now what?”, there is a whole complex set of challenges designed especially for the top level characters. So rather than being the end of the journey, max level is a new beginning.

Of course, it’s possible for people to get all the way to max level without ever really learning to play your character effectively, which becomes painfully obvious to the people you end up in groups with during endgame content. I try very hard not to be one of those players, but I got the idea to write a song about the types of players everyone dreads teaming up with. This may not make sense if you don’t play the game, but hopefully the meta-joke at least works outside of context.

I apologize in advance for inflicting yet another parody of this tune on the world, but it fit too perfectly.

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