Home of the Autographed Cat

Gwnewch y pethau bychain

Don’t Cry, My Dear, Have A Cracker

Don’t Cry, My Dear, Have A Cracker
(Or, “I Always Swore I’d Never Be One Of Those Parents”)
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina” (Tim Rice/Andrew Lloyd Weber)

You are unhappy
I don’t know why
And I try to work out how you feel
But you cannot speak words
You just sit there and cry
You don’t believe me
When I say that
It will all be okay
Although you are fed, warm, and dry
I guess it’s just that time of day

You threw aside your bottle
You’ve just been changed
Couldn’t spend your whole day on my lap
Looking out of the window
Taking naps in the sun
So you chose screaming
Running around grabbing everything near
But nothing could calm you at all
And so my last resort is clear

Don’t cry, my dear, have a cracker
It has cheese on, and some salami
It was an hors d’oeuvre
Made for a party
But you can eat one
There’s no one looking

As for nutrition and all that jazz
At this point I really don’t care
You can eat the whole tray
If that’s what you desire
At least you’re quiet
And if you remain still
And promise to nap
Then we can have ice cream for lunch
And soda and all of that crap

Don’t cry, my dear, have a cracker
It has cheese on, and some salami
It was an hors d’oeuvre
made for a party
But you can eat them
There’s no one looking

Have I done too much?
There’s nothing left here, I can’t feed you any more
But all you have to do
Is look at me and cry
And I’ll run to the store…

Inspired in small part by a conversation with Brooke. No actual children were fed inappropriate foods in the making of this song, though a sandwich may or may not have been misappropriated…

Previous

I’ve got the brain, you’ve got the looks…

Next

And I’ve now become an expert on the subject I like most.

7 Comments

  1. No actual children were fed inappropriate foods in the making of this song

    Like hell they weren’t.

    • The Secretary shall disavow all knowledge of your actions. This comment will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck.

  2. I just wanted you to know that I sang that whole thing aloud at my desk. Also, you missed the instrumental and chorus repeat before the final verse. I added it in while I was singing 😛

    • Well, since it’s a repeat of the chorus, it’s not precisely missing. I mean, you know it’s there, and stuff. 🙂

      Glad you liked it. 🙂

      • Liked is a bit of an understatement. Tempted to print it out and practice until I remember the words so I can sing it to the next baby is more accurate.

  3. An excellent thing to be reading during the 2am feeding. 😉

  4. So THAT’S why Lady Marian and the Professora freaked out when I let Hug Ninja (In her more huggy, less-Ninja days) gum a cracker.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén