Gwnewch y pethau bychain

SONG: Press Gang (Ya Got Trouble)

As many of you are aware, Market Street Films has been working on a documentary about the filk community. They’ve been absolutely wonderful to work with, very professional, and have become a part of our community. And yet, every time a convention approaches and word leaks out that they’re planning to be there, there’s invariably an outcry from a vocal minority of fans who are absolutely sure the sky will fall.

Now this is not unusual. That same vocal minority has hysterics every time there’s any word of press or publicity at a convention. And while I can understand a certain wariness of the press, given past treatment of fandom in the media from time to time, to hear them talk you’d think that it was a cataclysm occurring in our midst, with dire warnings of what will happen if we allow Those People to come to Our Convention.

But I was thinking, yknow, if they really wanna sell the idea, they need a song. So I wrote one.


Press Gang (Ya Got Trouble)
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Ya Got Trouble” by Meredith Wilson (from The Music Man)

Well, either you’re closing your eyes
To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of a film crew at your convention

Well, Ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
I say, trouble right here at your convention
Why sure I’m a filking fan
Certainly mighty proud I say
I’m always mighty proud to say it.
I consider that the hours I spend
With an axe in my hand are golden.
Help you cultivate rhythm sense
And a cool hand and a keen mind.
D’ya ever take and try to get
A round of applause for yourself
From a three verse parody?
But just as I say,
It takes judgment, brains, and maturity to play
In a chaos circle
I say that any boob kin take
And film a song with a camera
And I call that sloth.
The first big step on the road
To the depths of deg-ra-Day–
I say, first, newspaper men writing features
Then TV reporters!

An’ the next thing ya know,
Your fan is singin’ for money in a video
And list’nin to some big out-a-town jasper
Hearin’ him tell about Creation conventions
Not a wholesome fannish con, no!
But a con where they charge for the autographs!
Like to see some stuck-up filker’boy goin’ on Wife Swap?
Make your blood boil?
Well, I should say.

Now, friends, lemme tell you what I mean.
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six guitarists in a circle
Guitarists that mark the diff’rence
Between a filkcon and distress
With a capital “D,”
And that rhymes with “P” and that stands for press!

And all weekend your convention fans’ll be frittern away,
I say your good fen’ll be frittern!
Frittern away their circle time, panel time, concerts too!
Get the song on the camera
Never mind gittin’ chairs in a circle
Or the flyers set out or the mics set up
Never mind pourin’ any water
‘Til your filkers are caught with the pitcher empty
On a Saturday night and that’s trouble,
Yes we got lots and lots a’ trouble.
I’m thinkin’ of the fans in the beanie-hats
Button-mail true fen, peekin’ in the filk room window at the mess
Ya Got trouble, folks, right here at your convention
Trouble with a capital “T”
And that rhymes with “P” and that stands for press!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda fans
I’m gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
On while they’re loafin’ around that camera?
They’re tryin’ out bumpers, tryin’ out slow fades
Tryin’ out SFX like video fiends!
And braggin’ all about
How they’re gonna cover up a tell-tale flub with a punch-in!

One fine night, they leave the filk room
Headin’ for the party on the third floor
Anime fen and Star Trek watchers!
And electronic, shameless music
That’ll grab your fan, your filker
With the arms of a TV media instinct!
Mass-staria!

Friends, the filmer’s lens is the devil’s playground!

Trouble, (oh we got trouble),
Right here at your convention
(Right here at our convention!)
With a capital “T” that rhymes with “P”
And that stands for press,
(That stands for press.)
You’e surely got trouble
(We’ve surely got trouble!)
Right here at your convention!
(Right here!)
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the filkroom pure and a success
(Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble…)

Fans of this convention!
Heed that warning before it’s too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of press infiltration
The moment that fan enters the room
Does he rearrange the buttons pinned below his badge?
Is there a pencil impression on his index finger?
A video camera hidden in his backpack?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from hallway conversations?
Are certain words creeping into his vocabulary?
Words like…like ‘quote?”
Ah-ha! And ‘can we get some better lighting?”

Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
(Oh, we got trouble!)
Right here in at your convention
(Right here at our convention!)
With a capital “T”
And that rhymes with “P”
And that stands for press.
(That stands for press!)
We’ve surely got trouble!
(We’ve surely got trouble!)
Right here at your convention!
(Right here!)
Remember Gafilk, FKO, and all the rest!

Oh, we’ve got trouble.
We’re in terrible, terrible trouble.
Those guys with the cameras takin’ notes are the devil’s guests!
(Devil’s guests!)
Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!
(Oh yes we got trouble, yes we got big big trouble!)
With a “T”! Gotta rhyme it with “P”!
And that stands for press!!!
(That stands for press!!!)

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26 Comments

  1. in other random filk related, what’s the contact info for the upcoming filk in the bay area i need to convince to attend?

  2. Oh that is GOOD! You should send it to them! They’d guffaw I bet.
    Hee.

    • I will almost certainly give them a copy. I may wait to hand them a hardcopy at D’Zenove, so i can see their reactions. 🙂

  3. Your post if the first I’ve heard hide or hair of this, but I wonder if some of the concern might be less “bad image of fandom” and more concern about being sued for copyright infringement…

    • Well, to be honest, I’m lampooning the anti-press attitudes of some folks in fandom, not necessarily the reactions to this project in particular, although that was the immediate inspiration of the song.

      The Market Street folks are very meticulous about getting releases and permissions from people they want to feature in the film, so I don’t imagine they’ll put anything in they don’t have a clearance for.

      • *Grins* I like the song!

        I’m quite reassured by what you say about releases and permissions -for my own reasons beyond negative fandom representation I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of the cameras (though the people behind them sound lovely!) so I’ve been worrying a bit.

        See you in (OMG-is-it-really-only) a week’s time! *huggles*

        • Yay! Yes, it’s just a week away, and I can’t wait! I know that Americans have started to arive as early as today, having heard from one that she had touched down safely! I fly out on Wednesday night and arrive Thursday morning, so by this time next week, I’ll be in your town. 🙂

          • Wow! It just seems to have crept up on us again. Are you planning to be at the Tun on Thursday? I’m not quite sure yet (it will depend on the levels of pre-con panic!) but since it’s round the corner from my workplace, I might pop in to say hello…

          • I’d like to if I can manage it. We’ll see how I feel on Thursday night. 🙂

  4. I’d just as soon not have them at a convention. Even in the best case, I don’t see what we have to gain.

    Even so, it’s an amusing parody.

    Or … Is it parody at all? 🙂

  5. LOL -- That’s really inspired! At GAFilk my one concern was that my amateur videoing efforts on behalf of UT not interfere with the professional who was shooting footage with the OK of the concom -- luckily, for the UT concert, we ended up shooting from opposite sides of the room.

    • Well, I’m glad it didn’t become a conflict. Of course, had it become a conflict, I personally would have ruled that the fan wins. It’s a con for fans, not for the local media.

      Having said that, we’re perfectly happy for the local media to come and see what we do, as long as they don’t get in the way of us doing what we do. 🙂

  6. Love it! This is one of my favorite Music Man songs!

  7. Well done!

    Of course, the previous time when the sky fell in was when professional taping started. 🙂

  8. *G* In all the readthroughs, I never did actually get around to asking you the title. That’s a great one!

  9. Quite nicely done, sir! Having done a “Music Man” parody as our Confluence musical travesty a couple of years ago, I could hear this in my head as I was reading it. As for the subject matter, I wasn’t aware this sentiment existed among our crowd…too bad.

    • I’m pretty sure it’s a vocal minority, as I said, and I am, of course, exaggerating their position somewhat for humourous effect. 🙂

  10. Just a thought — why not tie it in with another recent source of filkish consternation? e.g.:

    Like to see some stuck-up actor’boy doin’ a Wife Swap on TV?
    Make your blood boil?
    Well, I should say.

    (Those who don’t know what I’m talking about aren’t missing anything. 🙂

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