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Pop Songs as interpeted by Thor

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Wherein, you shall find stuff like:

Yon renowned fellow, let us kick it
Ho, everyone, cease, I prithee listen
Thor hath returned with a new invention
Something taketh hold of me most tight
Floweth like a harpoon day and night
Shall it ever end? I doth not know
Conjure the darkness and I shall glow
To great measure, mine voice is as a vandal
Brighten mine surroundings and snuff a life as though ’twere a candle
Yon mystic dance doth boom like a storm in motion
I bring death upon thee as like a black potion
Lethal, when I doth serenade thee
For any lesser tune wouldst be a travesty
Art thy affections roused, or dost thou flee?
Thou shouldst aim well, lest I forsake thee
If there be any ill, I shalt resolve it
Look thee upon mine hook while mine DJ revolves it

and

Ooh, mine beloved, knowest thou what that be worth?
Ooh, Valhalla art a place on Earth.
The minstrels sing that in Valhalla, love comes first
Thou makest Valhalla a place on Earth.
Ooh, Valhalla art a place on Earth.

EDIT: Due to confusion, I’ll point out that this is a pastiche of the Marvel Comics rendition of Thor, in which Stan Lee puts a high school production of Shakespeare through a blender on puree.

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12 Comments

  1. Cute. But…Pet peeve time here:

    “I doth” is seriously incorrect. It’s like saying “I does” in modern parlance. People get carried away with this “olde style” grammar, and overdo it. “I do” is exactly right, disappointintly modern as it may appear. Ditto for “any lesser tune wouldst,” “Art thy affections roused,” “Thou shouldst,” “I shalt,” and “Valhalla art.”

    Yeah, I know, language geek extraordinaire. But this stuff is only funny when they get it right.

  2. Thor is my personal favorite Norse God. I mean, that Thunder Hammer -- precursor to all Personal Technology!

    Mmmmm…

    (Decides NOT to break out her Old Norse book. I might lose brain cells. 🙂

  3. *uncontrollable hysterical giggling*

  4. I’m feeling really lame right now, but I can’t place the first one. The second I get, but can you give me a hint on the first?

  5. Look thee upon mine hook while mine DJ revolves it

    that is SO hot! 🙂

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