Rainy Day Argo #12 & #35
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Rainy Day Woman #12 & #35” by Bob Dylan
© 1999

Oh, they’ll ban you when you beam down to that port
They’ll ban you when you are the spacer sort
They’ll ban you when you try to cruise the bars
They’ll ban you ‘fore you ever get that far
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your captain tries to mate
With too many partners in a pantless state
They’ll ban you if your engineer is able
To drink everyone else under the table
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your First Officer there
Teaches your bridge computer how to swear
They’ll ban you if your head nurse search is gainful
and comes home naked with a walk that’s painful
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your Chief Communicator
Crafts a virtual clothing elimanator
Theyll ban you if your gentle country healer
Incites a riot by the town’s local flesh dealers
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if the man who drives your helm
Uses plants the gov’ner’s wife to overwhelm
They’ll ban you if the pirates at the bar
Run away when they find out that’s where you are
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your crew is Starfleet’s best
They’ll treat you like you’re some unwelcome guest
We didn’t mean to cause all of this fuss
But it seem’s thats always how it goes with us
We’re so sorry that it all got out of hand
But EVERYBODY must get banned!

 

Another filk by free-association. Someone on rec.music.filk made a comment to the effect that EVERYONE should send a newbie a copy of Banned from Argo, and for some reason it triggered the phrase “Everbody Must Get Banned”. I tossed out the first verse as an Insta-filk response to the original poster, then decided I should finish it before someone else did.

This song was published in Xenofilkia #83 (“The Bastard Grandchildren of Argo” issue)