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Tag: songs: rpgs

Party Of Four

Party of Four
by Rob Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
TTTO: “All Along The Watchtower” by Bob Dylan

I just don’t see a way into here
Said the cleric to the thief
This keep is too well defended
With its iron and stone motif
All these walls are much too high
The courtyard far too wide
Unless you’ve somehow learned how to fly
There is no way inside

No reason to get discouraged
The thief he softly spoke
There are many doors to pass through
And all these locks are but a joke
But you and I, we’ve fought the hordes
their treasure is our due
So let us not speak loudly now
It’s time to sneak on through

Down below the watchtower
There was a secret door
While the guardsmen paced and prowled
Inside slipped the four

Deep inside the cold dungeon
A wandering monster passed
The warrior pulled out his sword
And the mage began to cast

Another Dungeons and Dragons filk, this one started by Jeff with the opening lines, which he sent me in an instant message a few weeks ago.  While the song is by Dylan, the filk is most certainly of Jimi Hendrix’s iconic cover.  Now if only I could actually play it like that. 🙂

Small Town Dungeon

Small Town Dungeon
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Dollar Fifty Movies” by Ookla the Mok
© 2006

What can you do when you’re all broke and you’re out of work
How can you score some easy gold
The stairs led down, I lit a torch and I went in
Into the darkness and the cold

I’m going to the dungeon
That little small-town dungeon
A small-town dungeon won’t hold a lot
I’m going to the dungeon
That little small-town dungeon
A +1 dagger’s all that I’ve got
But a +1 dagger, that ain’t a lot
To fight your prey

I can cast a single spell
Then my use is shot to hell
I searched my tomes and learned them well
I packed my candle, book and bell

I’m going to the dungeon
The little small-town dungeon
A small town dungeon won’t hold a lot
Finding lots of treasure is always such a pleasure
When a +1 dagger’s all that you’ve got
And you tried to sneak through but you got caught

You hope the guards are kobolds
‘Cause you aren’t feeling too bold
And a troll is more than you want to face
You wouldn’t mind a goblin if he’s hurt and kinda hobblin’
And the cleric knocks him out with a mace
Just bops him on the head with a mace

There’s power when you find a new wand that shoots fire
And the chest of gold that’ll bring you the comfot you desire
When the monsters are defeated and won’t give any grief
To a wizard, a cleric, two fighters and a thief

Home from the dungeon
The little small town dungeon
We brought back the loot they said was so grand
It was eighty pounds of silver, a magic bow and quiver
And a ring of elemental command
And this thing that looks like Vecna’s left hand
We’ve got it made!

Nothing to loot and nothing to slay
We’ll have to come back another day
When it fills back up with prey
We’ll come and collect our pay

We’re not going to that dungeon
That little small town dungeon
Cause that little dungeon don’t hold a lot
We’re not going to that dungeon cause a bigger one is more fun
And by this time my level’s gone up a lot
And when we stagger out, I’m left with one thought
We got away!

All For Me Swag

All For Me Swag
by Robert Wynne and Bill Sutton
Music: “All For Me Grog” (trad)
© 2006

Chorus:
It’s all for me swag, me jolly, jolly swag
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, I spent all my g.p. on a brand new sword +3
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Where are me boots? Me seven leaguer boots?
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, they gave me a long stride and they split me underside
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Where is me helm? Me magic, mystic helm?
All for me hoard and me treasure
It protected me from pain till the flayers ate my brain
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Where is me mage? Me wimpy little mage?
All for me hoard and me treasure
To beat the troll she planned to use a spell called ‘Burning Hands’
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Oh, where is me thief? My sneaky halfing thief?
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well he snuck off in the night with the loot from our last fight
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Oh, where is me dwarf? Me sturdy fighting dwarf
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, he took a fireball hit, and it blew him all to…….heck
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

I’m stabbed in the head, and I’d rather stay in bed
To finish healing from our last adventure
But I spent up all me dough, raising everyone I know
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Wolf’s Bane

Wolfs Bane
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Cocaine” by J.J. Cale
© 1999

When you’re out in the woods
And you’re trying to do good
Use wolf’s bane
When the eyes glow red
And you don’t wanna be dead
Use wolf’s bane
You’d best bring, you’d best bring, you’d best bring
Wolf’s bane

If you hear a loud howl
And your friend starts to growl
Wolf’s bane
If you’re out in nowhere
And you don’t have a prayer
Use Wolf’s bane
They don’t like, they don’t like, they don’t like
Wolf’s bane

Don’t you dare be a fool
Silver is the first rule
and Wolfs bane
Else you might find your own tomb
By the light of the moon
Wolfs bane
Till it wanes, till it wanes, till it wanes,
Wolfs bane

Don’t complain if you’re slain, you abstained
From Wolf’s Bane
Jeff is responsible for this one. He was sitting in on a friend’s AD&D game, in which he was not playing a character. The scene was in a tavern, so Jeff started roleplaying the bard in the corner and making up silly songs. This was one. When he showed it to me, I thought of the third verse and the final refrain.

Nobody’s Ranger Now

Nobody’s Ranger Now
by Bill Sutton and Robert Wynne
Music: “Nobody’s Moggie” by Eric Bogle
© 1999

Somebody’s ranger just inside of the door
Someone’s player character who won’t roll nice no more
Someon’s favourite fighter who ran clean out of luck
When he ran up, threw wide the door, and shouted out “Oh……BUGGER”

Yesterday, he roared and rolled his purple pair of dice
Decapitating nothing much, and fumbling badly twice
Now he’s just a page of useless stats and tasty food for mice
He’s nobody’s ranger, now.

So if you love your ranger, don’t let him run ahead
For if he opens doors alone, he’ll likely wind up dead
And everything he’s ever owned will go for monster’s pleasure
How else do you think those monsters get all of their treasure?

Always stick together when exploring caverns vast
That’s the way to guarantee your characters will last
But wandering alone you’ll die, and very very fast
He’s nobody’s ranger…
So ends his life of danger…
He’s nobody’s ranger….now.
Another song inspired by the Thursday Night Gaming Group. This one really did happen, and the song should serve as a cautionary tale against splitting up the party.

This song is for you, Joey. We miss you.

This song was published in the Gafilk 2004 songbook.

Dungeonville

Dungeonville
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffett
© 1999

Down in the cavern
Far from the tavern
Cold and lonely down here in the dark
Monsters all around
Making some weird sounds
Now I know this is no walk in the park

Hiding away again down here in Dungeonville
Hoping my luck doesn’t turn for the worse
Some people claim that there’s a fortune to gain
But I know, I’ve got to find it first

The monsters are scary
They’re mean and they’re hairy
I try to avoid them whenever I can
But if I am fast then
I can sneak past them
It’s all a part of my cunning plan

Hiding away again down here in Dungeonville
Hoping my luck doesn’t turn for the worst
Some people claim that there’s a fortune to gain
But I know, I’ve got to find it first

Now there are some fighters
Who like armor brighter
But I like dusty old leather just fine
While the others are fighting
I will be a-lighting
Out through the backdoor with all I can find

Running away again, right out of Dungeonville
Hoping my luck doesn’t turn for the worst
Some people claim that there’s a fortune to gain
They’d be right, ‘cept that I got there first

Another gaming song. The first D&D campaign I was in was run by a fellow with an unfortunate tendency to kill off our characters. My friend Jeff was the first of us to have a character actually survive one of Larry’s dungeons, and this song is about how he did it. (We probably would have tracked him down and expressed our displeasure at being deserted in battle, but, well, we were all dead.)

This song was published in Xenofilkia #74, and in the Gafilk 2004 songbook.

Catacombs

Catacombs
by Bill Sutton and Robert Wynne
Music: “Kodachrome” by Paul Simon
© 1999

When I think back on all the trolls I’ve fought in dungeons
It’s a wonder that I’m alive at all
But my lack of constitution hasn’t hurt me none
I can hide in shadows on the wall

Catacombs
Your tunnels are dark and twisty
Your underground lakes are misty
Makes me think all the world’s so far away
I got the monster’s treasures
I love to take it home with me
[So] mama don’t take my catacombs away.

If you took all the ghouls I slew when I was single,
Put ’em all together for one fight,
You know they’d never beat my sweet Holy Avenger –
Everything looks worse to a blackened wight.

(chorus)

Mama don’t take my catacombs away
Mama don’t take my catacombs away

Mama don’t take my catacombs
mama don’t take my catacombs
mama don’t take my catacombs away

Mama don’t take my catacombs
and leave me broke so far from home
mama don’t take my catacombs away

Bill Sutton and I play AD&D every Thursday night at his house in Marietta. This is one of two songs inspired by that campaign.

This song was published in Xenofilkia #74, and in the Gafilk 2000 songbook.

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