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Tag: songs: filk and filkers

Dead Tired

Dead Tired
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Weird Science” by Oingo Boingo
© 2001

(Dead Tired)
Jet lag and too little sleep
Going to a con
God it’s half past one
I’m feeling

(Dead Tired)
Folks I’ve never met before
Behind ballroom doors
Talent and imagination

(Dead Tired)
Here’s what I came here to do
Makin’ dreams come true
Living music, warm friends

(Dead tired)
Jet lag and too little sleep
God it’s half past one
God it’s half past one

(God it’s)a convention — is it real?
It’s a convention — I do not know
Bring caffienation — No time to sleep
With friends and music — I will not weep

Far from bed and far from home
This is why to here i roamed
Filk convention ….ooooh, dead….
dead tired!

(Dead tired)
Music and high fantasy
Science fiction chants
Puns and geekery
I’m feelin’

(Dead Tired)
Consuite breakfast and corn chips
Glad I made the trip
It’s been magic
I’m feeling

(Dead Tired)
Pictures for my conreport
New songs and chord charts
Sorry now to part (and feelin’)

(Dead Tired)
Staying for the dead dog filk
God it’s half past
God it’s half past


This is, of all things, a filk written about a con report, specifically Dave Weingart’s conreport of his trip to Consonance in 2001 . I’d love to hear it performed by a full band one day…

This song was published in the Gafilk 2005 songbook.

The Work Of The Drummers

The Work of the Drummers
by Bill Sutton and Robert Wynne
Music: “The Work of the Weavers” (aka “Drink to the Health of the Dorsai”)
© 2000

We are gathered here to sing some songs tonight
With our songbooks on our back and our axes in plain sight
There’s not a man among us who couldn’t get it right
If it weren’t for the work of the drummers

If it weren’t for the drummers, what would you do?
You wouldn’t have nobody to feel superior to
You wouldn’t have nobody to beat you black and blue
If it weren’t for the work of the drummers
Bill and I wrote this to annoy his wife, Brenda, who is an excellent drummer and who, i might add, can play percussion behind me anytime she wants. It was all in good fun Brenda…..honest…. please put the tipper down…..ow!


by Robert Wynne
Music: “Nobody’s Moggie” by Eric Bogle
© 2000

Somebody’s moggy just went splat on the stage
Somebody’s pussy thrown from just outside of range
Someone’s former feline, which landed with a thunk
Perhaps they wanted me to know they thought my new act stunk…

Yesterday when I played here, I was not aware at all
That those were jeers not cheers that greeted every curtain’s fall
But now the audience has booed me off
With a very strange cat-call
They’re all throwing moggies now…

Michael Liebmann and I did a filk demo for The Atlanta Science Fiction Society in September of 2000, which we then reported on in I commented that this was the first time I had ever performed music for an indifferent audience, which was an interesting and educational experience. Someone commented that indifferent was better than having them throw rotting flora at you, to which someone remarked that rotting flora was better still than rotting fauna. Mark Mandel said that the traditional form of the latter was a dead cat, and, well, this was the result. This is a show-stopper, which is why it ends after one verse.

Twelve Months of GaFIA

Twelve Months of GaFiA
by Robert Wynne
Music: “The Twelve Days of Christmas
© 1999

On the twelvth month in Atlanta, the filkers sang to me
Twelve harped murder ballads
Eleven Tom Smith punfests
Ten McQuillen standards
Nine poems out of Kipling
Eight Westerfilk classics
Seven Leslie Fish tunes
Six Stan Rogers folksongs
Five NESFA hymns
Four BFA parodies
Three hours of Old Time Religion
Two old pagan folksongs
And a new variation of “Threes”

Depsite the holidays, we always manage to find time for a housefilk in December. I wrote this for the occaision in 1999.

Rainy Day Argo #12 & #35

Rainy Day Argo #12 & #35
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Rainy Day Woman #12 & #35” by Bob Dylan
© 1999

Oh, they’ll ban you when you beam down to that port
They’ll ban you when you are the spacer sort
They’ll ban you when you try to cruise the bars
They’ll ban you ‘fore you ever get that far
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your captain tries to mate
With too many partners in a pantless state
They’ll ban you if your engineer is able
To drink everyone else under the table
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your First Officer there
Teaches your bridge computer how to swear
They’ll ban you if your head nurse search is gainful
and comes home naked with a walk that’s painful
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your Chief Communicator
Crafts a virtual clothing elimanator
Theyll ban you if your gentle country healer
Incites a riot by the town’s local flesh dealers
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if the man who drives your helm
Uses plants the gov’ner’s wife to overwhelm
They’ll ban you if the pirates at the bar
Run away when they find out that’s where you are
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your crew is Starfleet’s best
They’ll treat you like you’re some unwelcome guest
We didn’t mean to cause all of this fuss
But it seem’s thats always how it goes with us
We’re so sorry that it all got out of hand
But EVERYBODY must get banned!

Another filk by free-association. Someone on made a comment to the effect that EVERYONE should send a newbie a copy of Banned from Argo, and for some reason it triggered the phrase “Everbody Must Get Banned”. I tossed out the first verse as an Insta-filk response to the original poster, then decided I should finish it before someone else did.

This song was published in Xenofilkia #83 (“The Bastard Grandchildren of Argo” issue)

Georgia’s First Ever Filking Con

Georgia’s First Ever Filking Con
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Bad Bad Leroy Brown” by Jim Croce
© 1999

On the south side of Atlanta
Came a different sort of fun
You know we’d never seen
Something quite so keen
As a real live filking con[1]

There was no masquarade or art show
Michael[2] sold tapes from his room
All day we gathered round
And made a joyous sound
In the Ramada’s main ballroom

It’s Georgia’s First Ever Filking Con
Three southern nights of joy and song
And no one ever had so much fun
As the con called GaFilk One

Juanita Coulson[3] was delightful
But then, when’s that a surprise?
How does she not go hor-us
Growling out each chorus
With that twinkle in her eye?

Mike and Anne came[4] ‘cross the water
With British filk they did entice
The Great White North was on board
With a Canadian Horde[5]
And boy did they sound nice!

At Georgia’s First Ever Filking Con
Three southern nights of joy and song
And no one ever had so much fun
As the con called GaFilk One

Well the weekend went too swiftly
Much too soon we reached the end
When Brenda[6] took the floor
To sing “Strangers No More”
Every single one joined in!

Bill[7] declared the con was over
But we all let out a cheer
When he took up the call
And told one and all
“We’ll be right back here next year

At Georgia’s Second Ever Filking Con
Three more nights of Joy and Song
So no matter what else you do
Make sure that you’re at GaFilk Two!”

[1] This was the first filk con ever held in Georgia
[2] Michael Liebmann got “the whole store” from Random Factors and was the only (and much put upon) dealer
[3] You don’t need me to introduce this lady, do you? 🙂
[4] Mike and Anne Whittaker (of the filk band Phoenix)
[5] Glenn Simser (the Interfilk guest) and Dave and Judith Hayman were down
[6] Brenda Sutton“Strangers No More” is the official song of GaFiA, the Georgia Filking Association.
[7] Bill Sutton was the con chairman

I wrote this after arriving home after the first Georgia Filk Con, when everything was still fresh in my head. I had a great time, and five years later, Gafilk is still going strong. Being a part of the Gafilk concom has been a wonderful experience for me the last four years, and I’m looking forward to many more.

Update (August, 2018):  Holy cow, we’re prepping to put on Gafilk 21 in January…

A Con Spent A Circle

A Con Spent In A Circle
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Circle” by Harry Chapin
© 1999

A con spent in a circle
All our troubles gone
The music echoes through the night
Till the breaking of the dawn
A con spent in a circle,
Friends sharing harmony,
We’ll give no thought to sleep now —
Come on and filk with me

I met you sometime last year,
I don’t remember where,
But I know we shared a song or two,
Help me circle up these chairs.

I’m glad to see you came again,
we’ve still a lot to do —
The convention day is over,
but the evening is still new.


A voice lilts out a melody
A single strumming hand
A bodhran adds a rhythmic beat
It’s better than a band

When other fans have gone to sleep
We circle up and sing
And each takes home full measure
of all the joy we bring

I wrote this song shortly after the first GaFilk. I remember leaving the hotel on Sunday and commenting to Teri Wachowiak that I had a great time, even though it seemed I spent most of the weekend rearranging chairs into circles. The phrase “A con spent in a circle” wandered through my head, and connected with the Harry Chapin song, and I wrote the lyrics over the next few days.

I’ve been very flattered at the attention this song has gotten. It was published in Xenofilkia #64 and the Gafilk 2001 songbook, and was nominated in 2001 for a Pegasus Award for Best Filk Song.

The Gold Standard

The Gold Standard (To A Modern Tune)
by Robert Wynne
Music: “MmmMmmMmmMmmM” by the Crash Test Dummies
(or, if you prefer, “Headline News” by Weird Al Yankovic)
© 1998

Once, there was this guy who
Wrote a bunch of filksongs and
thought that they were cool
But when he sent them in to
a fanzine, they were bounced back in his face
He didn’t understand it,
The tunes were so well known

MmmMmmMmmMmm (etc…)

Once there was an editor
who published filkdom’s very best
and most prestigeous journal
But when she got these filksongs
She found she didn’t know the right music
She asked all of her friends
and they didn’t know them either

MmmMmmMmmMmm (etc…)

It wasn’t that the songs were bad
But it sure made that poor guy mad

And so he went to USENET
And said that she had unfairly rejected his poor filk songs
But he found to his dismay
She was well loved by all of the folks there
They flamed him rather soundly
and put him in their killfiles


This is the other song i got out of the Cineviews flameware on in 1998. (If you really want to know, see the notes at the bottom of The Flamewar Never Dies.

This one is more specifically addressing the topic of that flamewar, and as a result doesn’t hold up as well over time, but I’m fond of it for the reaction it provoked. While I tried to keep the tone neutral and reporting merely what actually happened without actually showing favour to either side, I got a vitrolic e-mail from Cineviews accusing me of being a “Lee Gold Apologist”. I related this to Lee, and suggested that perhaps we could form a “Lee Gold Apologist Society” and get little buttons to wear at cons and maybe a neat graphic for our webpages and stuff. One day I’ll actually get around to designing those…

The Flamewar Never Dies

The Flamewar Never Dies
by Robert Wynne
Music: “The Dangling Conversation” by Paul Simon
© 1998

If you will not heed what I say
I’ll repeat it louder still
And you think you can ignore my words
But I don’t think you will
I will shout it from the ramparts
Locked in my position
Like an overzealous twit
You can watch me pitch a fit

Full of righteous indignation
And my superficial lies
The flamewar never dies

And you all howl out with outrage
How dare I break the peace
Although every response to me
Ensures I never cease
Though you put me in your killfile
Still I will be lurking
On the edges of the net
I won’t let you forget

About my righteous indignation
And my superficial lies
The flamewar never dies

Oh, I speak things that don’t matter
Just to prolong the thread
No analysis is worthwhile
No logic’s in my head.
Yet I won’t stop my babble
I can keep this up forever
My fingers never tire
Of this neruotic, senseless ire

Or my righteous indignation
And my superficial lies
The flameware never dies

This is the second song I wrote as a result of the Cineviews flamewar on back in 1998. The other was The Gold Standard.

While this was inspired by a specific flamewar, this sort of thing happens on USENET all the time. Apply as needed.

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