Home of the Autographed Cat

Gwnewch y pethau bychain

Tag: songs: bawdy

I Know It When I See It

By

On October 27, 2016

In Songs

I Know It When I See It
By Rob Wynne
TTTO: “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor

Because I’m all about that text,
‘Bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text…

You know it’s pretty clear, this film ain’t subtle
You know why you’re here, there can be no rebuttal
‘Cause we’ve got that boom boom that all the folks craved
All the right smut and it is quite depraved

I see the movie scenes working that misdirect
But I do not know why
They’re all so circumspect
If you like sexy sexy, get what you want
Cause every scene is about sex
And we are very nonchalant

Yeah, Aunt Hortence, she told me don’t worry about the plot
Because folks only watch this for one thing and you know what
You know it won’t be PG rated, family-friendly fare
But if you want the good stuff
Then go ahead and take the dare

Because I’m all about that text,
‘Bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text…

It’s full of nudity
But only for the social comment’ry
No, I’m just playing, I know you think it’s smut
But I’m here to tell you
Every scene is full of sex and we are very nonchalant

Yes, Aunt Hortence, she told me don’t worry about the plot
Because folks only watch this for one thing and you know what
You know it won’t be PG rated, family-friendly fare
But if you want the good stuff
Then go ahead and take the dare

Because I’m all about that text,
‘Bout that text, no subtext
Because I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
Because I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text…

Inspired by a comment made by Aahz Caller, as we discussed whether “Lesbian Farm Invaders” was the sort of film one watched for the subtext, which was itself in a thread about a recent news report that Rush Limbaugh was warning that federally paid lesbian farmers might soon invade your town, becuase boy howdy this year’s news has been hella weird.

Naked Ambition

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Naked Ambition
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Close to You” by Burth Bacharach and Hal David
© 2006

Why do I, every time I dream,
Picture you….and whipped cream?
It’s just like me to want to see
Clothes off you….

I forget what I meant to say
When you wear lingerie;
That is why I long to spy
Clothes off you…

On the day that you were born
You came out wearing nothing
That’s the reason that it’s called a birthday suit…
Please understand, from where I stand
That birthday suit you’re wearing is a beaut!

I admit…I’m not a subtle guy.
It’s not hard to see why
I approve each time you remove
Clothes from you

Glitter Breasts

By

On January 1, 2003

In Songs

Glitter Breasts]
by Robert Wynne
Music: “(Theme From) Spider-Man”
© 2003

Glitter breasts, Glitter breasts
Does whatever she wants with zest
See her boobs catch the light
Sparkly tits, what a sight!
Oh wow! Check out the glitter breasts

Is she cute? listen guy
She makes rain fall from the sky
Catch you down in the pool
Ride you like a pony, cool!
Woo-hoo, check out those glitter breasts!

In the heat of the night
On the dancefloor below
Watch her catching the light
She will shimmer and glow

Glitter breasts, Glitter breasts
Never doubt that she is the best
Shakes her ass, perfect size
Money-maker wins the prize

Oh yeah, whenever there’s a contest
She never causes unrest
Cheer for her glitter breasts!
There’s really not a lot to say about this song. Other than the fact that I know I will someday actually come face to face with Seanan again, and there will be a long awkward silence, after which I will stammer, in my best Jack Davenport voice, “I love you….”

Love ya, Seanan. *mwah*

We Will All Sin Together When We Sin

By

On January 1, 2002

In Songs

We Will All Sin Together When We Sin
by Robert Wynne and Martin DeMello
Music: “We Will All Go Together When We Go” by Tom Lehrer
© 2002

If you believe religious men
You ought to burn your bridges when
The company you keep would have you go astray
And you may have found it painful
When they looked at you disdainfully
And told you that you had to live their way
(But never matter)

When your friends all start to scurry
All those pious sounds of worry
Shall never give us reason to despair
For though they’re bound to make a fuss
When they throw the book at us
We’ll be having too much fun to really care

And we will all sin together when we sin
All the trouble that we can we will get in
No need to ask us twice sir
Because nothing could be nicer
We will all sin together when we sin

We will all fall together when we fall
We shall have ourselves an unrepentant ball
Heading straight towards damnation
At the slightest provocation
Yes we all will fall together when we fall

Oh, we will all lapse together when we lapse
We will round up all the lasses and the chaps
When it’s time to start transgressing
We find company a blessing
And we’ll party right until we all collapse!

Down by the old mill stream
We can cavort in pairs or teams….

And we will all moan together when we moan
And ensure that our intentions are well known
Enough talk about the weather
Let’s go roll out in the heather
There are subjects that are best not left alone

We will all snug together when we snug
On the bed and on the couch and on the rug
Give into our desire
And then stoke that inner fire
And end up looking really rather smug

We will all come together when we come
To the sound of heartbeats pounding like a drum
With a cry of ecstacy, we
Will all squeal with joyful glee
And the delight that everybody’s getting some!

And we will all sign our names for our respective Gehennas
For we know that’s where we’re heading with no time for I knew you whennas

Yes we will all sin together when we sin
Just prop the door and let the neighbours in
There’s no one who’s not a friend here
So just pick yourself an end dear
And we all will win together
When we all sin together
Yes we all will sin together when we sin
This one is all Teri Wachowiak’s fault. A large number of us were all hanging out on #filkhaven in order to avoid other tasks we should have been doing, and Teri said “Well, at least we can all sin together”, and boom, we were off to the races. Martin and I traded off verses then culled and rewrote until we had the finished product.

At least one person complained that the only sin the song seems to cover is lust. Well, what can I say. I like lust. <shrug>

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén