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Selfishness

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On November 4, 2001

In Blog

I am not a selfish person.

I don’t say this out of hubris. Only that it’s the center of my current dilemma.

See, I’m a person who likes to do for others. My priority list always seems to start with “What can I do to make the people around me happy?” In large part, I know that this is because doing for others is one of the things that makes ME happy. I like to make other people smile, to help them get what they want, to make someone else’s life just a small bit brighter and more worthwhile.

Most of the time when I am unhappy, it’s because I’m put into a situation where the things that *I* want and need are in direct conflict with the wants and needs of someone who is close to me. Knowing that the choices I make for my own health and happiness are going to have a negative effect on someone else gets me in a state of inner turmoil and triggers my depressive tendencies. This gets worse when the other person knows about these tendencies — I’m very easy to manipulate if you know which parts of me to tug.

I need to learn to be selfish. I need to learn to make decisions in my own benefit. I need to make those decisions and face through the consequences so that I can finally fill the hole inside of me with love and light.

I know what I need. I know what I want. I know it will not be easy to achieve, because my hardest foe to overcome is myself.

Once more, unto the breach….

People really need to get over themselves

By

On August 9, 2001

In Blog

Nothing amuses me more than people who get themselves worked into a tizzy over gay people. I’d probably find it less amusing if I were gay myself…

The Associated Press story

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution also reported on the story.

Good heavens! How terrible! The next thing you know those gay people might start demanding, I don’t know, to be treated like human beings and given the basic dignity and respect that should be afforded decent people! When WILL the madness end?

I despair to live in a world where an entire group of people can be hated and despised because of who they choose to love! Cause that’s really what’s going on here, isn’t it? “We don’t like the way THOSE people love one another. It isn’t right.” Yeah, hate is a much better way to deal with people.

The really sad thing is almost every one of the people complaining would probably identify themselves as a Christian, and could easily express to you their belief in a infinitely loving God and their belief that the same God thinks gay people are an abomination in a single breath.

*sigh* I weep for the world, and all the darkness we bring to obscure the light.

Wherein the Autographed Cat introduces himself

By

On June 22, 2001

In Blog

I hate talking about myself.

I have very little trouble talking about just about anything under the sun that I’m interested in, at length. I can spend hours talking about music, or politics, or baseball, or comic books, or literature, or any one of a myriad of topics with passion and fervor. But when someone says “Tell me about yourself” I instantly lapse into deer-in-headlights mode. Perhaps, on reflection, I’m not very interested in myself.

So, who am i?

I am a 31 year old unix Systems Administrator who works for a communications company in Atlanta. I am single, with a long-term live-in girlfriend, four cats, and more books than shelf space. I am a musician and songwriter. I am a writer of fiction and non-fiction, with one collaborative novel (written with my best friend since jr. high and hopefully to be sold to someone). I am a liberal who voted for Dukakis, Clinton (twice) and Al Gore for president. I am a baseball fan who loves the Red Sox and the Braves. I am a voracious reader, who prefers SF and Fantasy, history, and literature.

I read the paragraph above, and I somehow feel like I haven’t really told you anything. I find it interesting that I, a person who has been expressing himself with the written word since the time I could hold a pencil, can’t come up with more than a disjointed list to answer the simple question “Who am I?”

We interact every day with other people, yet we only every touch the surface. The essence of a person can be found deep inside, and is only hinted at by the facets that flash in the light. “Who am I?” is more than a question of hobbies and jobs, it is the center of every person’s personal quest for identity and belonging.

It isn’t that I am not interested in myself — it’s that I simply don’t have an answer for you that seems both true and complete for me. And until I can find a satisfactory way to answer that question for myself, all I can offer you is a glimpse at the surface.

Wherein The Autographed Cat Succumbs to the Popular Trend of the Day

By

On June 22, 2001

In Blog

So here I am. Amazing.

A lot of my friends keep these things. I read them religiously, every day. I even keep a web page with links to them all so I can click through them every day. And all the while, I think to myself, “Gosh, that seems interesting. Why do all these people lead such interesting lives? My journal would be boring.”

I am yet convinced that this experiment will bear me out. But I’ve always believed that good things are worth doing. So I, with some trepitation, set out on this journey of self-discovery in my leaky, drafty boat. Who knows what we’ll find?

More later…

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