Gwnewch y pethau bychain

Thirteen Ways Of Looking At A Cicada

This is a bit of silliness inspired on JediMUD today.

Thirteen Ways Of Looking At A Cicada
by Rob Wynne

I.
If you like squishing cicadas
getting caught in the rain

II.
Oh cicadas, you’re breaking my heart
You’re all on my lawn and I hate you
Oh cicadas, please please go away
For seventeen years i won’t miss you

III.
I’m gonna kill the bugs next door
Ain’t gonna chirp anymore
They’re underground for seventeen years
Then they come up and drink all my beer
Gonna squash em with my boots
How i wish i had a gun that shoots
Gonna kill kill kill kill kill kill kill those bugs

IV.
Cicada blues
You make me cry
I don’t wanna lose this feeling
And if i choose for you to die
You would be in your grave

V.
You walk across the lawn and they will crawl up on your pants
Shake them off your shoes and you do a little dance
Worst of all you find their shells are stuck to all your plants
Hey, they’re cicadas!

VI.
I squashed cicadas
But i did not squish the ladybugs

VII.
Wasting away again here in Cicadaville
Searching for a safe path I can walk

VIII.
I walked out on my lawn
To face my fears
The last time they were here
Seventeen years
It’s cicadas
They climb on everything
Nowhere to sit
I wish they’d go away
I must admit
Damn cicadas

IX.
One day, bugs will rain out
From beneath the rainspout
And then you will hear ci-
cadas come and chirp the night away

X.
Cold rain on the front lawn has softened the grounds
For seventeen years they have slept in their mounds
But now they have surfaced; the night rings with sound
Cicada’s will rise with the moon

XI.
They are very noisy bugs
Cicadas chirp outside your bedroom
They go away for seventeen years then they come back
And they get in everything

Those bugs are pretty tasty
(That bug’s a Cicada!)
The kind of bugs you read about
(In science magazines!)
They haven’t left my lawn yet
(The bugs are cicadas)
I think I’m gonna squish them
(Everywhere I step)
They’re not right! They’re not right!
These bugs are not for me!

They are cicadas! Cicadas!
I hate Cicadas!

XII.
Little cicadas
Crawling everywhere
You’re pretty sure they’re even crawling in your hair
Where did they come from
Underneath the ground
Seventeen years past and not one could be found

XIII.
Guess who just got back today
Those little bugs that had been away
Everywhere, cicadas in your way
And if the bugs wanna chirp, you better let ’em


Bonus points if you can place all thirteen tunes 🙂

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20 Comments

  1. II -- Cecilia, Simon & Garfunkel

  2. *dies*
    Oh. My. 🙂 *giggle*
    Well. No. Can’t place them all, off hand … just a few.

    II. Celia (you’re breaking my heart)?
    V. Macarena
    VI. I Shot the Sheriff
    X. at first I thought “Hotel California”, but the last line doesn’t scan

    Hee. Curious about the others 🙂

  3. 1. “Escape (The Pina Colada Song),” Rupert Holmes
    2. “Cecilia,” Simon & Garfunkel
    3. “Kill the Poor,” Dead Kennedys
    4. “Bell Bottom Blues,” Eric Clapton
    5. “Macarena,” Los Del Rio
    6. “I Shot the Sheriff,” Bob Marley
    7. “Margaritaville,” Jimmy Buffet
    8.
    9.
    10.
    11. “Superfreak,” Rick James
    12.
    13. “The Boys Are Back in Town,” Thin Lizzy

  4. I squashed cicadas
    But i did not squish the ladybugs

    I can’t place any more of the songs than anyone else so far, but I lovelovelove this one. (-:

  5. Oh wow! That’s beautiful. I can’t name anymore than what’s aleady been named, but just wow. *giggles*

  6. “The Boys are Back in Town” is SO begging to be finished 🙂 And very appropriate song for the subject!

  7. And many and happy were the giggles. 🙂

  8. It’s the little things that make us happy… I’m glad I managed to inspire ACat and kill productivity for the remainder of his work day.

    I had many giggles while we were talking about this on Jedi’s wizline 😉

    #7 was mine, only I just had the first line and too many syllables in it. ACat’s creativity and adaptability never ceases to amaze me 🙂

  9. If only I’d read these BEFORE sitting outside reading a book on my front lawn brushing the things off of me every 5 minutes. Hubby can’t even go outside in the evening anymore without whining about not being able to hear himself think. Hehehehe

  10. Boy, Is He Bugged!

    Gah,I did even worse than I did on that oldies quiz of Dr. Snark’s a while ago. 🙁
    I only got three of the buggers (II, VII and XIII). 🙂

    Hmmm. Can I add XIV (even if the number in the lyric is off by one)?
    o/~ There must be 16 ways to kill cicadas… ~\o

    Ann O.

    PS -- Curiously, with all these dead cicadas in the lyrics, there’s no song about
    eating them. And they are supposed to be tasty. Although I read an article recently
    about some guy who cooked and ate so many of them he had to go to an emergency
    room for treatment. :(~

    PPS -- What’s that website about Darwin’s Law taking care of the terminally dumb?

    • There Must Be 50 Ways To Kill Cicadas

      You just step on their back, Jack.
      Make with the hand, Stan.
      You don’t need to take joy, Roy,
      Just spray yourself free.
      Hop on the bug, Doug.
      You don’t need to prepare much.
      Just sautee in sauce, boss,
      And get a free meal.

      OK, that’s just the chorus, and there are four verses yet to be filked. Hmmm…
      Looking at those verses, this may be one of those *naturals*, where you only need
      to change a few words of the original lyrics to make the filk work. Methinks me may
      sit meself down and see what I can do. Real Soon Now. [eg]

      Ann O

      • Re: There Must Be 50 Ways To Kill Cicadas

        You know, I just took a look at the lyrics, and I think, other than rewording the title line “50 Way to kill Cicadas” it’s perfect, just as it is. Same old lyrics (except the title portion), your new verse…priceless. I *might* change a lyric toward the end “Why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight / and I believe in fifteen years you’ll begin to see the light”. But that’s it. -H…

        • One Step Beyond

          Well, it seems like my sick and twisted mind has taken things one step beyond.
          You folks get to be subjected to the following before my fellow MASSFILCers. 🙂

          “50 Ways To Kill Cicadas”
          2d2na
          “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”
          By Paul Simon

          The problem is all inside the ground, she said to me.
          The answer is easy if you pave it all, you see.
          I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free.
          You don’t need fifty ways to kill cicadas.

          She said it really is my business to extrude.
          Furthermore, I hope my pavement will be used with payment due.
          So I’ll repeat myself -- it’s a task for using crude.
          You don’t need fifty ways to kill cicadas.
          Fifty ways to kill cicadas.

          (Chorus:)
          You don’t step on their back, Jack.
          Don’t make with the hand, Stan.
          Don’t lay on the spray, Ray
          To get yourself free.
          Don’t hop on the bug, Doug.
          You don’t need to prepare much.
          Just pave their holes over,
          And set yourself free.

          She said it grieves me so to see them in such pain.
          I know there is something I can do so they won’t rise again.
          I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
          About your paving ways.

          She said why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight,
          And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light.
          And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right,
          You don’t need fifty ways to kill cicadas.
          Fifty ways to kill cicadas.

          (Chorus

    • Re: Boy, Is He Bugged!

      Well, you can’t add XIV, because that would violate the meta-parody. But I like what you ended up doing with that anyway. 🙂

      PS -- Curiously, with all these dead cicadas in the lyrics, there’s no song about
      eating them. And they are supposed to be tasty. Although I read an article recently
      about some guy who cooked and ate so many of them he had to go to an emergency
      room for treatment. :(~

      You’re write. I made a one letter edit above to fix the lack of mention of eating them. 🙂

  11. 1) If you like Pina Coladas
    2) Cecilia
    5) Macarana (you sick f**k)
    6) I shot the sherriff
    7) Margaretaville
    10) Giant Will Rise With The Moon

    Eh, 6 out of 13…coulda been worse. -H…

  12. I am of three minds,
    Like a bard
    Who writes scathing parodies
    In which Wallace Stevens spins in his grave
    While the cicadas infest the karaoke machine.

  13. I’m awed. If you keep serenading the litttle blighters, maybe they’ll stay?

  14. Anonymous

    cicadas

    Margaret Middleton here:

    I only suspected the one from the Monkees, recognized Cecilia’s tune right off, and laughed out loud at Cicadas Will Rise With the Moon.

    That was just wrong.

    • Re: cicadas

      Hrm. None from the Monkees, but two from the Beatles.

      That was just wrong.

      Why, thank you! *beam*

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