Gwnewch y pethau bychain

Month: July 2001

So where the heck have *I* been?

I rule at avoiding things. It’s a talent.

One of my last entries sort of wandered around and then ultimately admitted that I wasn’t feeling up to talking about what was really consuming my mental energies at that time. I may still not be, but I don’t want to just vanish, so here’s the readers digest version.

Things really haven’t been going well with and me for quite some time. Over the last five months, things have been deteriorating at a rapid pace, and last Monday it finally boiled over. We had The Relationship Talk.

Some background: Kim and I have been together now for twelve and a half years. We are not married. For large parts of that time, we only had half a relationship — all the commitment, but not of the fulfillment, as it were. So in 1997, I broke off our relationship, in large part because I had met someone else who DID seem to care about me. At the time, I thought that this would be a considerable relief to her, to finally be rid of me. This wasn’t necessarily an unreasonable assumption — we had been sleeping in separate rooms for a long time at that point, and were really more roommates than lovers by then. She surprised me by not only reacting very badly to my desire to move out, but insisted that she wanted to save our relationship. After about 2 weeks of discussion, I broke off with the other girl in an effort to salvage the 8 year investment I had with .

For a while, things were much better. But slowly things reverted back to the same rut. The last year has been especially wearing on me, as I had begun to feel like I was really being used — one of the remarks I made on Monday was that it was like having a job without a paycheck — I had all the responsibilities and obligations, but none of the benefits. On the recent trip to Knoxville, I was able to discuss some of this with Kender, but I still had no clear idea what I wanted to do about it. One complication is that I’m the only income earner in our house, and we only have one car (which is hers). If I just walk out, I essentially leave behind a person I do still care about and four cats with no way to pay any bills. If I had it in me not to care about that, it’d be easier, but I don’t. So after the initial fight, she went upstairs to talk to a friend on the phone for a couple of hours, and I sat downstairs and felt miserable. When she came downstairs we talked some more, and I outlined why I was unhappy and what sort of things I’d need to see happening to think it was worth trying again — we’ve “tried to work it out” before, and it always seemed like I put in all of the effort. Never again.

I’m still not convinced it can be worked out. I’m willing to give it some time to see how she wants to play it, but the balls definitely in her court now. Part of me wishes that it was all over and I could just work on being miserable and piecing my life back together. Part of me really wishes I could find in the person I’m with the person I fell in love with over a decade ago. And part of me just wishes I knew how it was going to work out.

Now here’s a fun can of worms. You own a satellite, which is in orbit. It’s out somewhere over the equator somewhere, and nowhere near where you actually have your business offices located. But the country decided that hey, you’re here, and it’s worth X million dollars, so let’s charge property taxes on it as if it were here where your office is.

I’m not sure what to think of this. What happens when a company has multiple headquarters? Who’s liable for the tax then? If I have an office in Gwinnett Co and another in Fulton, I don’t owe Gwinnett Co. property taxes on my office in Fulton. So it seems to me that the taxes on the satellite are owned to whoever has jurisdiction over County Space.

But hey, anything for an extra buck.

Wherein the Autographed Cat is at work way too early in the morning.

I’ve been up since a little after midnight, since I had to be at work at 3am for a maintenance window. We were doing some fairly routine upgrades to the database server — adding a hardware RAID enclosure and also swapping the 1GB of ram it had for 4GB of memory.

Everything went well except for the RAM. I think that one of the DIMMs is bad, or else the slot is bad, because we put 12 DIMMS in and it only saw 11 of them. Worse, this machine (Sun E450) expects its DIMMs in groups of 4, so it only sees 3GB of the 4GB we put in. Yuck. We took it down and tried to reseat everything — I think it’s the slot that’s bad, it seemed loose and now I wonder if it had a hairline crack that was made worse by the removing and inserting of new sticks. Oh well, the window’s closed now and I can’t take the server down again. We’ll have to reschedule another time to take it down and get in and look at it.

My friend vila_resthal from over in Athens was wanting to come and see deidrecorwyn and me tonight. I’d really like him too, even though the house is a wreck. *sigh* He suggested the visit on Monday, and I said to deidrecorwyn, “If he’s coming over, we need to at least pick up the living room”, but nothing’s been done. She’ll say it’s my fault for not helping, but I work all day and she’s at home, and it’s not like I asked for the place to be turned upside down.

Oh well, Editor’s seen our house as a wreck before, so it won’t surprise him any. I’ll probably leave here at noon, so maybe instead of catching a nap before my doctor’s appointment this afternoon I’ll clean the living room. That way at least there’ll be somewhere to sit down.

I admit, I’m easily amused. This was in my friend Rommie’s private journal today:

Just when you thought you’d seen everything…

Wherein the Autographed Cat reflects upon his Immortal Soul

I’m going to hell.

Those of you who know me well may consider this an unsurprising revelation, but it’s official. Tonight I committed what has to be a serious and unforgivable sin. You see, in order to stretch our money as far as possible, I try to drink iced tea instead of other various beverages which tend to be more expensive. So I went to brew a fresh pot of tea, and discover….

We’re out of Tetley.

I thought for sure we had some. I looked through all the cabinets, even the ones down near the floor where the extra stuff is kept. No luck. But I did find something. So, out of desperation, a pot of tea was born.

I made iced tea with good Darjeeling.

And it’s good.

I’m going to hell.

Wherein the Autographed Cat catches up on the last week

Ah, vacation is a lovely thing.

Kitty and I went up on Tuesday to visit Shadow and Kender in their brand new house in Knoxville, TN. (Well, new to them.). Kender is the person I refer to as my “sister-by-choice”, because while we aren’t blood-related, she fills that need in my life for a sibling that I never had. She’s been commuting from Nashville to Knoxville (spending most of the week in her parents home in Spring City, an hour away), so that she could work on finishing up her PhD in Medieval Literature. Shadow finally finished his residency and got a job at a hospital in Oak Ridge, so that Kender wouldn’t have so far to go. They were just getting moved in when we came up, but she was still a marvelous hostess.

This was also the first opportunity I’d had since last year to see their daughter, who is now 3, and now capable of holding coherent (if somewhat disjointed) conversations. She really is a darling…there are times I regret my own childlessness. Not often, but sometimes…

I ran an AD&D adventure for Shadow and Kender, since they haven’t really had the opportunity to play since they left Illinois a few years ago. Everyone seemed to have fun.

Friday was another Monkees concert. This is deidrecorwyn‘s current obsession. I enjoy the music, but could really do without the obsessive nature of the fans they tend to attract. More on that another time.

We drove back down on Saturday afternoon, and I got back in time to run down to SFSummer to play some music with Harper. I got called home a lot sooner than I’d have liked, but I had a great time while I was there.

Hrm. I don’t seem to be very talkative today. I think I’m really not ready to air in public the things that are really heavy on my mind right now. Maybe later.

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