“Do not strangle your sister with the snake!”

“But that’s my little nothing!”

“But, if you read that out loud we’ll all have to take a nap.”

[watching me play World of Warcraft]
“What are you doing?”
“Throwing bombs at those eggs so they blow up.”
“Don’t they need those to make babies?”
“But we don’t want them to make babies.”
“That’s not nice”
“Well, I never convinced your mother that debating the morality of actions in a fantasy role playing game wasn’t productive eith–”
(excitedly pointing to a clutch of eggs on the screen) “BLOW UP THAT ONE!”

“I know what a boat IS, I just don’t have one!

“Your computer doesn’t even speak Latin, let alone Middle English.”

“Will you shave MY head and spray paint it?”

“Both of you, stop it! You do not need to fight over a book of naked girls.”