Home of the Autographed Cat

Gwnewch y pethau bychain

Wherein the Autographed Cat Spends Money On Himself For A Change

Tomorrow is my birthday. Hooray.

Every year, I receive some amount of money for my birthday, since no one ever knows what to buy me. I suppose I could set up wish lists and the like as other people do, but they don’t really work. For one, I’m not a very materialistic person. (Good thing, since Kitty is, but that’s for another entry). There’s rarely anything in the world out there I just can’t live without, which makes it difficult to make lists of things I want When I want something, I usually just get it, so by the time an event like my birthday comes around for someone to look at the list, I’ve probably already gotten whatever was on it. So folks being long used to this odd behavior, just give me money or gift certificates and let me sort it out.

Most years, finances are such that I end up using my birthday money to do mundane things like catch up on bills. This year things are not quite so tight, so I actually allowed myself to spend a little money on myself. I went down to The War Room, a local gaming shop, and picked up the new 3rd Edition AD&D DMG and MM, which I’d been procrastinating on buying. I also grabbed the first collection of Nodwick along with the two most recent issues, which catches me up on that — I’d been reading them by borrowing them from a friend I game with.

Nodwick is a delightful comic book for anyone who has ever enjoyed fantasy RPGs. Nodwick is a henchman, you see. Those long suffering hirelings who tote and bail for the adventurers, lest the might warrior or the cunning mage have to do any actual heavy lifting. In this case, Nodwick is also easily the most sensible and intelligent member of the party. It’s got a very keen sense of humor, and is well drawn.

Regarding 3rd Edition AD&D: I’m still disappointed that it entirely failed to suck. When it was first about to come out, I’d been reading little snatches about it here and there, and was fully expecting it to be just awful. Then a friend loaned me a copy of the new PHB to look over and I started reading it. And not only did it utterly fail to suck, but many of the things they chagned were either house rules we’d been using for years or things that I’d always thought would make sense. In other words, they for the most part did what I would have done.

So my thursday night gaming group decided, after a little playtesting, to convert over to the new rules. And, sad to say, we haven’t regretted it for a minute. Damn. And now I’m starting to pick up the books needed to start my own campaign. For one thing, we’re going to visit my sister-by-choice and her husband in Tennessee, and they want to play again. Also, I’ve proposed running a fill-in campaign on Thursdays for weeks when B, who travels a lot because of work, is out of town. So I’ve got to sharpen the old DMing skills again. Should be fun.

Now to kick back, relax, and enjoy some orange sherbert. Yum.

Wherein the Autographed Cat wishes he’d eaten earlier in the day…

Ugh. I have a tremendous headache.

I slept in today, I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, and would probably never see the sun if I could arrange my schedule for it. As it was, I got up around 11 am today. After puttering about for a bit, I finally motivated myself to get a shower and then set out to search for someone to give an emissions inspection for my car.

(Digression: Atlanta has the worst mass transit system in the known universe. First of all, wherever it is that you want to go, it’s almost certain that the train doesn’t go there. This is because there are only two train lines, one running north-south and the other running east west, which neatly divide the city into quarters. There is no train that goes around the perimeter, nor are there trains to service the NE-SW and NW-SE sectors. As a result, you pretty much have to rely on the bus system that is attached to MARTA in order to make it to your destination. Second of all, the bus probably doesn’t go there either. There is no bus service at all in Gwinnett County (where I live) or Cobb County, which between them have the largest suburban populations. And it’s fairly certain that the bus doesn’t not go there often enough to be of any use anyway, and will require at least 3 transfers to not take you there. All this in a metro area that covers about three-quarters of northwest Georgia. As a result, most people just don’t bother, and simply drive their cars. Which is why we have one of the worst air quality standards in the US.)

So I’m waiting for the car to be serviced, and I start to feel that familiar throb in my temples and just behind my eyes. And I realize that I haven’t had anything to eat today. Not a sausage, as my friend Annie would say. This was, to put it mildly, a mistake, as it is now three o’clock. I went immediately from the service station to a nearby Chinese buffet, but it’s too late. I am officially miserable. I make another couple of stops that I’d promised to while I was out, then came home to take a painkiller and lie down with a cold cloth to listen to A Prairie Home Companion.

deidrecorwyn (my girlfriend) doesn’t understand why I want to have the radio on if I have a headache. The idea that different people cope with things in different ways is apparently somewhat alien. Myself, when I’m feeling this miserable, the last thing I want to do is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and listen to the rhythmic pounding of drums inside my skull. I need some kind of stimulus to distract me from the pain, and the radio is easiest because it allows me to close my eyes, something books and television don’t.

So after a few hours, I staggered down here to type this and generally try to recover some feeling that I am human. I think it’s working. I don’t feel nearly as awful as I did at 4 pm.

Wherein the Autographed Cat introduces himself

I hate talking about myself.

I have very little trouble talking about just about anything under the sun that I’m interested in, at length. I can spend hours talking about music, or politics, or baseball, or comic books, or literature, or any one of a myriad of topics with passion and fervor. But when someone says “Tell me about yourself” I instantly lapse into deer-in-headlights mode. Perhaps, on reflection, I’m not very interested in myself.

So, who am i?

I am a 31 year old unix Systems Administrator who works for a communications company in Atlanta. I am single, with a long-term live-in girlfriend, four cats, and more books than shelf space. I am a musician and songwriter. I am a writer of fiction and non-fiction, with one collaborative novel (written with my best friend since jr. high and hopefully to be sold to someone). I am a liberal who voted for Dukakis, Clinton (twice) and Al Gore for president. I am a baseball fan who loves the Red Sox and the Braves. I am a voracious reader, who prefers SF and Fantasy, history, and literature.

I read the paragraph above, and I somehow feel like I haven’t really told you anything. I find it interesting that I, a person who has been expressing himself with the written word since the time I could hold a pencil, can’t come up with more than a disjointed list to answer the simple question “Who am I?”

We interact every day with other people, yet we only every touch the surface. The essence of a person can be found deep inside, and is only hinted at by the facets that flash in the light. “Who am I?” is more than a question of hobbies and jobs, it is the center of every person’s personal quest for identity and belonging.

It isn’t that I am not interested in myself — it’s that I simply don’t have an answer for you that seems both true and complete for me. And until I can find a satisfactory way to answer that question for myself, all I can offer you is a glimpse at the surface.

Wherein The Autographed Cat Succumbs to the Popular Trend of the Day

So here I am. Amazing.

A lot of my friends keep these things. I read them religiously, every day. I even keep a web page with links to them all so I can click through them every day. And all the while, I think to myself, “Gosh, that seems interesting. Why do all these people lead such interesting lives? My journal would be boring.”

I am yet convinced that this experiment will bear me out. But I’ve always believed that good things are worth doing. So I, with some trepitation, set out on this journey of self-discovery in my leaky, drafty boat. Who knows what we’ll find?

More later…

Terence Chua Could Filk It

Terence Chua Could Filk It
by Robert Wynne and Brenda Sutton
Music: “Christine Lavin Could Do It” by Cheryl Wheeler
© 2001

“It started with an idea but it got so out of hand
Now they scream for songs of Hastur to the tunes of Swedish Bands
I tell them that i’m over that, but they don’t really seem to see
That I’m sick of doing HPL, there has to be much more to me!”

They all scream “Terence Chua can filk it!
They all shout “Terence Chua’s the man!”
Well he crosses the Pacific just to sing his little song
It’s to the tune of “Waterloo” about the thousand young
Oh, Terence Chua could filk it!

I said “Hey listen up, that stuff is just a small part of the whole
I’d rather do some R&B, a little Fanboy Soul
I’ve moved on to other things now, Cthulhu’s not my only game!”
They all said “Sorry buster, but you know you’ve only got yourself to blame!”

And they scream “Terence Chua can filk it!
They all shout “Terrence Chua’s the man!”
Well he crosses the Pacific just to sing his little song
It’s to the tune of “Waterloo” about the thousand young
Oh, Terence Chua could filk it!

I grabbed my ukelele and ran screaming down the hall.
They trapped me in the filkroom and they pinned me to the wall
Shouting, “Sing Nyarlathotep or we’ll force feed you on bad bok choy.
You are the Bard of ol’ Cthulhu and we’re just your little Fan Boy Toys!”

And they scream “Terence Chua can filk it!
They all shout “Terrence Chua’s the man!”
Well he crosses the Pacific just to sing his little song
It’s to the tune of “Waterloo” about the thousand young
Oh, Terence Chua could filk it!

Terence Chua was the Interfilk guest to the Ohio Valley Filk Festival in 2001, the same year as my good friends Three Weird Sisters were the Guests of Honor. Some time before the con, Terence made the comment to me that he was tired of people only knowing him for his Lovecraft/ABBA parodies, and thinking that was all he did.

So we hatched a plot. I came up with an idea for a song about Terence, and Brenda and I wrote it. At the end of their Guest of Honor concert, the Sisters called Terence up on the stage, sat him in a chair, facing the audience, and proceeded to perform the song while Erica Neely, Jodi Krangle, and Debbie Ridpath Ohi all played fawning fangirls around him. Daniel Glasser got photographs. (Use the arrow keys to scroll through the photos, and the Home button to return to this page.)

This song inspired David Rood’s I Wanna Be Filked By the Three Weird Sisters, and was published in the ConCertino 2003 sonbook.

Sauron

Sauron
by Robert Wynne
(Thanks to Dave Weingart for the second half of verse 1)
Music: “Do Ron Ron” by the Crystals
© 2001

He rose up out of Mordor and the sky turned black,
a Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron
He sent his Orcish raiders for the Ring to track
A Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron

Yeah….his shadow hand
Stretched…..out across the land
Best….to avoid his eye
A Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron

Gandalf said the One Ring was his key to power
a Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron
If he could regain it he would rule the hour
a Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron

Out….of Rivendell
To….the brink of Hell
We’re….off to destroy the Ring
of Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron

Sam and Frodo journeyed to the Cracks of Doom
a Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron
Threw it in the fire not a bit too soon
a Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron

Yeah…..the rings unmade
So…..the world was saved
And…never more we’ll fear
a Sauron-ron-ron, a Sauron-ron
A bit of silliness that came out of a long afternoon on #filkhaven. I tossed out the first half of the first verse, and Dave Weingart tossed out the second half, and I thought “Hey, that’s not a bad idea” and quickly finished it. This one is an infectious sing-along, and always helps bring the mood of a circle up.

This song was published in Xenofilkia #78 and the Gafilk 2003 songbook.

Novel Man

Novel Man
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Nowhere Man” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
© 2001

He’s a real novel man
living off his long-time fans
writing long complex stories
that don’t end

Plots that are long and absurd
Two hundred ninety thousand words
Can it be he’s never heard of
Brevity

Novel man, please hasten
Up that scene, time’s wastin’
Novel man
The advance has long since been spent

Got multiple points of view
Subplots and pointless verse too
Does he think we’ve nothing else
to read

Long winded as he can be
Series come in groups of three
I wonder if we’ll ever see
the end of it

Novel man, please end it
It’s much harder to defend it
Novel man, It once was so promising
Now it’s a joke

He’s a real novel man
Doesn’t have a master plan
And his series rolls on to
Infinity

He may write this series for infinity!
This song isn’t about one particular writer, but could easily be applied to any number of authors currently mining the low grade ore out of the science fiction and fantasy mine. There’s some really good deposits down deep and off the main shaft, but some folks manage to get rich selling the same stuff off the top over and over again.

Oh well, they keep printing them. I guess SOMEBODY’S gotta read them.

This song was published in the Gafilk 2006 songbook.

Keep You Closer

Keep You Closer
Words and Music by Robert Wynne
© 2001

For all my chosen family throughout the filk community,
and especially for LM, who is ever in my heart.

We come from different corners of the world
And the times that our paths will cross are few
A few short weekends through the year
And then it’s time to go
And parting ways is always hard to do

But give me just a minute to embrace you
To hold you close before you turn away
A moment to remind you
That we’re closer than the miles
To keep until we meet another day

If I could hold the world inside these arms
If I could build a bridge across the sea
If I could shrink the miles that lie between us
I’d keep you closer every day to me

If the world were only a bit smaller
Then parting wouldn’t be a time for tears
But the shuttle waits to take you home
And on a plane you’ll soon be gone
And we may not meet again until next year

(chorus)

Slowly now we pull apart and smile and say goodbye
I pack my bags into my car and go
And though there is a sadness
that must come with each farewell
I love you, and that’s all you need to know

(chorus x2)

Of all the songs I’ve written, this one is probably the one that means the most to me, personally. And yes, while it is about a lot of people on one level, when I wrote it I had a certain few individuals on my mind. I’m very happy to say that, a year later, I did manage to shrink the miles between myself and one of those individuals, and the two of us are very happy being closer every day.

This song was published with sheet music in the Gafilk 2002 songbook.

Hope and Mercy

Hope and Mercy
Words and Music by Robert Wynne
© 2001

September 11, 2001

The world around me has gone mad
I cannot find the words
To make sense out of anything at all

I feel so helpless and confused
So powerless and small
If anyone is there to hear my call

Hope and mercy
For this alone we pray
Send us strength from somewhere
To make it through this day

Faith and courage
To help us through the night
And draw us all together
To set the world to right

I know I cannot save the world
Not by myself alone
I’m not even sure how to survive

Please tell me there is still a chance
A reason to go on
There must be hope as long as we’re alive

CHORUS

So at last we come together
To comfort and to grieve
And lean upon each other in our fears

But dawn will bring a new day
And together we will strive
To build a new tomorrow without tears

CHORUS

While I did write this song on September 11, it’s not really about the terrible events of that day. One of the first reactions I saw to the events on rec.music.filk was someone who said, “I shall write songs of vengence tonight.”

This struck me as…the wrong approach somehow, and I got to thinking about how communities, such as ours, come together to face adversity. No matter what tries to divide us, we know we can build a better tomorrow together, because we will always have each other. This is a song about coming together and dealing with adversity as a community.

This song was published with sheet music in “September 11, 2001 – A Memorial Songbook.”

Dead Tired

Dead Tired
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Weird Science” by Oingo Boingo
© 2001

(Dead Tired)
Jet lag and too little sleep
Going to a con
God it’s half past one
I’m feeling

(Dead Tired)
Folks I’ve never met before
Behind ballroom doors
Talent and imagination

(Dead Tired)
Here’s what I came here to do
Makin’ dreams come true
Living music, warm friends

(Dead tired)
Jet lag and too little sleep
God it’s half past one
God it’s half past one

CHORUS
(God it’s)a convention — is it real?
It’s a convention — I do not know
Bring caffienation — No time to sleep
With friends and music — I will not weep

Far from bed and far from home
This is why to here i roamed
Filk convention ….ooooh, dead….
dead tired!

(Dead tired)
Music and high fantasy
Science fiction chants
Puns and geekery
I’m feelin’

(Dead Tired)
Consuite breakfast and corn chips
Glad I made the trip
It’s been magic
I’m feeling

(Dead Tired)
Pictures for my conreport
New songs and chord charts
Sorry now to part (and feelin’)

(Dead Tired)
Staying for the dead dog filk
God it’s half past
God it’s half past

(Chorus)

This is, of all things, a filk written about a con report, specifically Dave Weingart’s conreport of his trip to Consonance in 2001 . I’d love to hear it performed by a full band one day…

This song was published in the Gafilk 2005 songbook.

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