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Accept No Substitutes

Accept No Substitutes
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Wonderwall” by Oasis

This toy is totally the toy
That is gonna fill your every need
Watch now, you know it somehow
May accelerate to dang’rous speeds
I don’t believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

Don’t touch, or look at it much
or breathe the vapor from its liquid core
Young, old, and pregnant girls are told
Not to hang around it anymore
I don’t believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

And all these warning messages are binding
Stop using it if its effects are blinding
It is made of glowing stuff that fell to earth from space
Don’t know what it is

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
‘Cause after all
Its your happy fun ball

If it smokes, or if you start to choke
Run away from it and hide your head
By now, you ought to somehow
Realize that you should’ve fled
I don’t believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

Just $14.95 will cause elation
This toy sensation’s sweeping through the nation
Even though you know it only rarely sticks to skin
Buy it anyhow

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
‘Cause after all
It’s your happy fun ball

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
‘Cause after all
It’s your happy fun ball

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
But you know you’re gonna really want it

 

A lot of times, I end up writing a filk for no other reason than a song getting stuck in my head and after a few repetitions starts to wander off in odd directions. Sometimes, I follow it down those odd directions and end up with something kinda cool.

I’d also like to, in advance, thank Oasis vocalist Liam Gallagher for his mutli-syllabic pronunciation of the word “wall”, which made this filk possible.

 

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33 Comments

  1. LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

  2. Really funny. I’m grinning ear to ear.

  3. Very Wrong. Most excellent.

    • I was thinking of you when I wrote it. 🙂

      • I thought of him when I read it 🙂

        Very fun! At Gafilk I started to wonder if any Kate (Bush) had been converted to filk. So I did a lil searchipoo and saw there is some & I thought some more and I was like….

        Damn. This is kinda hard… like … you gotta be smart to write this stuff….. esp. Kate as her phrasing is just as whacky as she is.

        Rock on 🙂 This is tres cute. Can I hope to hear it this Sat. chez toi?

      • I was thinking of you when I wrote it. 🙂

        Goodness, I can’t imagine why. 🙂

        I suppose I should probably learn it myself, *sigh*, like I have the time.

        I’m not all that familiar with the original (even after a couple of listens on YouTube) so I’m having a bit of trouble matching up some of the words to scan at the same pace as the original. Especially the lines:
        “It is made of glowing stuff that fell to earth from space / Don’t know what it is” and
        “Even though you know it only rarely sticks to skin / Buy it anyhow”

        Also, I find it easier to sing “But you know you’re gonna really want it” with the “gonna” and “really” in the opposite order. It’s probably just me, though.

        • There are ma-   ny  things that I    would like to say    to   you 
          It    is made   of  glow-  ing  Stuff that  fell to earth  from space
          Ev-   en though you know   it   on    ly    rare ly sticks to  skin
          

          Call me up sometimes, and I’ll sing it to you. 🙂

          On “gonna really” vs “really gonna” — I’ve swapped the order about a half dozen times now. Whatever feels right, run with it. 🙂

  4. Totally going in my songbook.

  5. Warning: Happy Fun Ball is not personal technology.

  6. Bravo sir! I’ve been looking for a way to parody “Wonderwall” for years, and nothing had the right ring to it… This does! Awesome parody!

    (Also, in case you need it, Youtube has a lot of people doing the song, and their chording is clearly visable, which may help.)

    • Yeah, I’ve got a good arrangement of it already. In fact, I ended up tweaking the first draft of the lyrics a bit after sitting down with the guitar and playng it, and finding some bits that didn’t work as well in practice than they did in my head.

      And thanks for the compliment. 🙂 I’m really pleased with this one.

  7. Oh, love it! *grin*

  8. (chortle)

    That has to be the best parody of “Wonderwall” at least since Bob Ricci‘s “Wonderbra”…if not, like, ever. Looking forward to hearing you premiere it this weekend.

  9. Do not mock Happy Fun Ball, for Happy Fun Ball will not be mocked.

    Its explosive radioactivity is exceeded only by its joyful bouncitude.

  10. Oddly enough, I may have to learn this. 🙂

  11. *gigglesnort* I gotta send this to Fishy.

  12. Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    I am vastly amused.

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